The only lesson that I keep learning from relationships is that the utterances of endearing affection at the peak of the relationship should always be taken with a pinch of salt, but that rare moment of appreciation feels so good that I forget quite quickly how many times before it was the start of that painful trend.
The trend seems to go like this…
- They relate to something I post
- Express curiosity about my views on their current emotional state
- Amazement at how much I get them, or relate to the space they’re in
- Outpouring of emotions regarding past hurts and betrayals
- Spirited exchange of sharp wit and adorable indulgences of philosophies on life and people
- Some feigned curiosity about me
- Realisation of how vulnerable they are given the information they’ve shared over such a short period of time
- Defensiveness at every observation or comment I share from that point, despite it being previously devoured but is suddenly distasteful
- Desperate attempt to re-establish their defenses
- Venomous attack on how insensitive I am about the space they’re in and how I don’t understand them at all or how I need to get an education
- Cut ties without explanation and a healthy dose of grossly inaccurate assumptions about me
And so the trends persist…it’s an emotionally expensive way to live life. Caring about people in whose lives I have no vested interest, nor do they in mine. I try to convince myself that I’m jaded, but I know it’s all an insincere lie in an attempt to convince me to be a cold detached prick that sees weakness as a pathetic state, rather than a desperately human one. But I know how desperately human I am, that’s why I’ll always be dumb enough to extend myself to those that forget what beauty they hold within.
I’ve fallen in love with the human spirit. Pity it hasn’t fallen in love with me.