I had time to waste today, so I took a drive through my o-o-o-ld neighbourghood. I was reminded of so much from my past, mostly from my childhood that it left me somewhat bewildered. There was a bitter-sweet after taste from the whole experience, because it somehow felt as if I had left my roots too early in life. I felt a strange yearning to want to be back there, but at the same time I realised that I wouldn’t belong either.
In fact, it’s difficult to convince myself at present that I belong anywhere in particular. I have a home that I’m excessively grateful for, and family and a scattering of friends, but no place where I feel at peace. As is my nature, when driving through the old neighbourhood there was a strong sense of the potential outcomes of what may have been of my life had I stayed in that area, rather than just an innocent recollection of years and experiences gone by.
I often wonder if the tone of my reflections these days is the early warning signs of a mid-life crisis about to strike. Maybe it’s just the same yearning I talk of so often to return my life to a simpler time when things made more sense, and everything didn’t depend on everything and everyone else. I’m too tired to do justice to these thoughts right now. Isn’t it strange how life seems like such a long and arduous struggle when we look at what we think may lie ahead, yet it’s a blink of an eye when we stop to notice how much has happened already? Time and health…definitely two of the most important things that we take for granted when we have it…I guess as long as I don’t enter my mid-life crisis wearing a pee-pot on my head and riding an obnoxiously loud and juvenile-looking motorcycle that forces real men to accessorise, I stand a chance of growing old with dignity, not so?