Tag: mentalhealthawareness

  • Be purposeful

    Be purposeful

    Be the one who acts with purpose and conviction, and leave greatness to take care of itself.

    The moment you’re focused on who you’re attracting, or how you appear to others, you’re distracted from your purpose.

    Be purposeful. And connect with the value of who you are and what you wish to create in the lives of those around you.

    The rest will find its own balance.

    And the need for control will disappear as you learn to trust in the benefit of living purposefully and with conviction.

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  • Perspective rules

    Perspective rules

    Perspective defines our reality.

    Taking the worst from an experience doesn’t diminish the good that it contains. It simply denies us the benefit that is waiting to be experienced.

    The opposite being true too. Focusing on the benefit reduces the impact of the bad that we experienced.

    Maintaining a healthy balance between the two keeps us grounded. Going to either extreme leaves us flighty and whimsical, or burdened and morbid about the future.

    Moderation is key, and maintaining a practical perspective rather than one influenced by fear significantly reduces the stress that we experience in life.

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  • Contaminating the self

    Contaminating the self

    Self-worth is contaminated when we try to define it by the way we think others perceive us.

    Whether their perception is correct or not is irrelevant.

    The fact that their perception has more sway over our self-worth than our perception of ourselves is what determines the difference between a healthy self esteem, and an unhealthy one.

    Many struggle to connect with who they are in the absence of an external voice validating them.

    That external voice is not always aware of the validation that they provide because the one in need of such validation invests themselves in inspiring others to feel accomplished and amazing. [This is important!]

    When that investment is not well received, or is credited to someone other than the one making the investment, the self esteem of the investor is destroyed.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to servitude. We lose sight of our ability to serve, and become defined by how our service is appreciated, or rejected.

    Thus, are arrogant ones created. Arrogance being nothing more than a proclamation of the good in us that we need others to acknowledge.

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  • Sabotaging destiny

    Sabotaging destiny

    There are so many memes encouraging gut feelings and instincts to drive or decisions about how to treat others.

    I wish there would be more making us aware of what creates that feeling in our gut to begin with.

    The emotion most commonly experienced as a physical sensation is that of fear. And fear, more than anywhere else in our bodies, is experienced in our gut or in our chest. Both physical centres associated with a gut feeling.

    That tightness, that churning, or the uneasiness we feel that spreads up to our chest and shortens our breath. Gripping fear is more common than butterflies of excitement.

    So when we trust our gut blindly, we project our past experiences on the present moment. We use past experiences with people that treated us badly to make assumptions about the motives of people who are trying to connect with us now.

    That’s how we lose the present moment or sabotage good opportunities because we look for signs that they’re the same as those who came before them, rather than seeing them for who they are. Any positive attributes we see are easily dismissed out of fear of those hints that suggest that they’re just a facade because of something that reminded us of a past hurt or betrayal, or worse.

    When we honour without question our emotions in that moment of fear or stress, we stop being mindful about our emotional state in the current experience. This prevents us from determining if our instinct is correct or not.

    We must be willing to test our instinct if we hope to avoid becoming presumptuous about others, both positively or negatively.

    Except for gratitude, everything else requires moderation to avoid the harms of excess. And following our instincts blindly causes as much harm as the good that it offers.

    Be balanced. Be mindful. Seek to understand your emotions rather than to surrender to it so that you don’t abandon reason in favour of fear.

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  • Choose better

    Choose better

    We choose what we take from life.

    Understanding those choices is therefore key to finding peace, or joy.

    Our choices, even though sometimes painful, are always based on good intentions in that moment of choosing.

    But, when that good intention is driven by a need to establish our significance rather than connect with the value that we want to create, our choices become understandably poorly informed.

    Once again, understanding why we were distracted enough will add sweetness to our hindsight.

    Looking back on our unpleasant experiences with understanding rather than judgement helps us to find peace where we currently may only find pain.

    Seeking to understand is what disarms the bitterness of betrayed expectations and replaces it with the peace of acceptance.

    If you’re struggling to reconcile your past in your efforts to create a better future, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183. Together, we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

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  • Don’t look the other way

    Don’t look the other way

    Those who oppress others are often the first to draw attention to the weakness or inadequacy of those that they oppress.

    They do this to pacify their conscience so that they can avoid the guilt of treating others poorly.

    The reason why judgement works well in such cases, for both the abuser and the abused, is because it creates distance between us and our contribution towards that oppression, and therefore allows us a comfortable space in which to abdicate responsibility in doing something about it.

    When we judge, we assume that the abused has options or resources that they are aware of without finding a need to connect with them, or to directly assist them.

    Judgement is also kinder to the abuser because it inevitably focuses on creating excuses for their rage or self loathing.

    It’s through judgement that we most often enable such despicable behaviour while maintaining a comfortable distance.

    If the abused are left to fend for themselves because we don’t want to meddle, we become part of the problem.

    If nothing else, at least call out abuse for what it is when you see it. And if it’s become normalised in the life of the abuser or the abused, then take time to make them aware of why it needs to stop.

    Abuse is never constrained to just the relationship in which it prevails. It is a poison that destroys the innocence in society, leading to social ills that inevitably find their way into the lives of those you love, despite you not wanting to meddle in someone else’s business.

    Speak out against abuse. If you don’t cease the hand of the abuser, you enable their behaviour. That makes you complicit in their vile actions.

    If you’re trying to break the cycle of abuse in your life, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s create the positive change that you deserve in your life.

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  • Don’t choose the hard way

    Don’t choose the hard way

    The original Afrikaans saying for this is somewhat more impactful.

    ‘Die wat nie will hoor nie, moet voel.’

    Translated, that means that if you don’t want to listen, then you’ll feel the pain.

    While it may have been regularly used as a taunt by teachers and parents towards misbehaving kids, it is totally apt for adults as well.

    Our reasons for avoiding, or even rejecting good advice is not always because we think we know better. Often, it’s because we assume that taking advice is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Hence our preference to learn the hard way instead.

    Add to that the source being someone who already, just by their presence, intimidates us, and suddenly an offering of advice from them feels like an attack.

    At the heart of it is our sense of self-worth. The lower our confidence, the more likely it is that an innocent gesture will appear as an attack.

    Low emotional maturity is the biggest stumbling block towards growth, and towards owning our life.

    Improving your emotional maturity is not about learning coping mechanisms for when you feel triggered, it’s about growing to understand why you are inclined towards feeling triggered at all.

    Stop coping with life and start thriving. It all begins with gaining insight into who you are and what shaped you to be this way.

    Need a navigator? Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s start building the life that you’ve always wanted.

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  • Enabling our oppressors

    Enabling our oppressors

    We only give others permission to disrespect us when we disrespect ourselves first.

    Disrespect of the self takes many shapes and forms including compromising our values for personal gain, accepting abuse from fear of abandonment, restraining our contribution from fear of rejection, and more.

    When treating ourselves with disrespect becomes the norm, accepting disrespect becomes the theme of our lives.

    Reclaiming our space in relationships with significant others then becomes a struggle, because without realising it, we gave them permission to treat us badly.

    Of course, the fact that they may have taken up the opportunity to treat us badly confirms their disrespect for themselves as well.

    And that’s how we end up in relationships where respect is optional, and being together becomes a matter of convenience that we justify in many ways, including doing it for the children, not wanting to be seen as a failure, nor wanting to return to our parent’s home and bringing shame to them, not wanting to be alone, and more.

    That’s when life becomes empty, and joy is replaced with bitterness. Break that cycle before it breaks you, because when you’re broken, you become a liability to this world, rather than a blessing.

    And this world has enough social liabilities already. Please be better than that. You deserve it, and so does everyone around you.

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