Tag: gratitude

  • Judging bad behaviour

    Judging bad behaviour

    I have yet to meet someone who behaves poorly when they feel appreciated.

    Yet, we’re most often focused on the poor behaviour instead of their feeling of insignificance.

    The same is true for us.

    Our anger, bitterness, or rebellion is simply an expression intended to reclaim our significance when significant others treat us as if we don’t matter. Or when we feel like we don’t matter to them.

    This doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but hopefully, it prompts us to be more understanding rather than judgemental when we find ourselves faced with unacceptable behaviour from those around us.

    It’s easier to judge others when being kind or understanding feels like weakness on our part, or if we’re afraid of condoning their behaviour.

    Both those assumptions are based on our assumptions about what their intentions are behind their bad behaviour.

    Consider that the next time you become aware of how you’ve chosen to judge someone.

    Are you judging their behaviour because of what you don’t want to be associated with? Are you judging it because you expect them to be better than that? Or are you judging it because it undermines your role in their life?

    Whichever one it is, judgement should be reserved for the courts, and understanding and compassion should drive our interactions with those around us so that we can encourage the best in them, rather than judge the worst in them.

    And if you want to understand why you’re driven towards assumptions about what drives your behaviour, or the behaviour of those around you, get a copy of my book, The Egosystem.

    It answers exactly such questions so that you might be able to find that elusive peace that you need within your soul.

  • Be true about seeking truth

    Be true about seeking truth

    If you’re sincere about seeking the truth, you won’t be distracted by the source or tone through which it arrives.

    The truth is only harsh if you’re not willing to accept it.

    The harshness enters when we need to hear something more palatable or pleasant about ourselves because we need the validation that says that we’re not so bad.

    But that’s the problem right there.

    We use the truth to judge ourselves instead of grow, that’s why it feels harsh.

    If we embrace it, we embrace growth, and growth is never bad, except for the people that you sometimes leave behind because they don’t want to grow with you.

    Don’t let that stop you, because when they do decide to grow on their own, they’ll leave you behind.

    That’s why you need to own your life, and create opportunities for others to own theirs.

  • Rediscover who you are

    Rediscover who you are

    The journey of rediscovery of the self is the greatest joy of all.

    It shakes off the cobwebs that life tends to accumulate, and breaks the chains that we’ve used to tether ourselves to past experiences.

    Rediscover who you really are, so that you can shake off the debris that you accumulated through the years with each toxic character that convinced you that you were someone you’re not.

    Your true self is buried beneath the clutter and wounds of the past.

    The risk of coping with failure or betrayal is that our act of coping grows to define who we think we are.

    But that’s when we lose sight of who we were before that moment.

    The only way to move beyond it is to recognise that coping is only needed as long as we’re still holding on to the hurt or the disappointment of what could’ve been, but didn’t happen.

    Let go of it, and the joy you experienced before that defining moment will return.

  • Are you grateful for you?

    Are you grateful for you?

    Whenever asked about gratitude, the inevitable response is one that is focused on everything we have around us.

    Sometimes, we consider our health and our skills.

    At other times we recognise the value of things not being as bad as they could have been.

    And we convince ourselves that this is being grateful.

    But how often do we stop to contemplate gratitude for the traits and attributes that we have which makes our appreciation of all of that possible?

    How often do we stop to appreciate the essence of who we are, and the tough and selfless choices that we made under difficult circumstances, when we could easily have taken the selfish or easy way out?

    This is not about judging the choices that we’ve made, but about recognising how we still showed up, with conviction, to do our best to make something good out of a bad situation.

    You cannot nurture that which you don’t acknowledge to be true. So how are you going to nurture the value of who you are, if your gratitude is only focused on what you have?

    Striking a balance between selfishness and gratitude for the self is what makes the difference between being defined by your struggles in life, versus defining the outcomes of the struggles of your life.

    You won’t be able to determine the difference if you lack gratitude for who you are, and what your contribution is towards improving the state of your life, and the lives of those around you.

    The next time you contemplate what you’re grateful for, be sure to include yourself in that moment of reflection.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Money is not the root of evil

    Money is not the root of evil

    Money is nothing more than a tool.

    It’s a means to an end, not a motivation in itself.

    Even its accumulation through miserliness, or its wastage through extravagance still makes it nothing more than a tool to achieve a greater goal.

    Ingratitude is what results in such tools being used to our detriment, or to the detriment of others.

    Money in the hands of an ingrate is used to harm others, or the self.

    Ingratitude is therefore the demon that we must learn to understand if we hope to use money in a way that creates a fulfilled life.

    Ingratitude is born of the belief that we are entitled to things or outcomes.

    That sense of entitlement is based on our need to feel validated by such privilege, because we see it as a measure of how much we mean to others.

    Our need for such validation is from a lack of appreciation for who we are and what our unique contribution to this world can be, and instead, a fixation on everything that we don’t have.

    Understand the source of your ingratitude, and tools like money will carry with it benefits and blessings in ways you never thought possible, without contaminating your ego in the process.

  • The silent ones

    The silent ones

    True misery doesn’t love company.

    It decays the soul in silence.

    When someone is complaining, it’s because they still have hope that someone cares enough to listen or respond.

    Or even to empathise.

    When they give up on these three things, they go silent because they have grown to accept that no one else cares, or understands the state that they’re in.

    Too often we see their silence and assume it to be acceptance of their struggles or challenges, meanwhile it often symbolises the slow death of dreams, hopes, and ultimately, a life.

    Silence is the silent killer, more than rage.

    Listen with both ears and your heart.

    Pay attention to the silent ones.

    Your noise of ingratitude may just be drowning out their silence of pain.

    Find the balance between living loud and loving sincerely.

    The one without the other will smother people closest to you.

  • Be gentle

    Be gentle

    Chances are very good that your harshness or cruelty is directed at the wrong person.

    Unfortunately, you’ll only realise this after the damage is done.

    Cruelty, like anger, is most often expressed to those weaker than us, even though we experience it at the hands of those stronger than us.

    Sadly, it is paid forward more often than gratitude or kindness.

    The need for vengeance to reclaim our power drives us more to action than the perception of weakness that accompanies a gentle spirit.

    Needing vengeance is a sign of a low self esteem because we are more concerned with how others perceive us, than how we perceive ourselves.

    For this reason there are no bad people in this world, only weak ones.

    Don’t be weak.

    Being gentle requires a strength of character that too few have mastered.

    Be gentle.

  • Gratitude, the root of peace

    Gratitude, the root of peace

    As long as you have gratitude in your heart, you will always find opportunities instead of problems in your life.

    Gratitude allows us to focus on what’s good, and realise how much worse things could be.

    It encourages appreciation for what we have instead of envy for what we don’t have.

    Most importantly, it recognises the blessings that most take for granted like good health, free time, youthfulness, good relations, and peace of mind.

    When we lose gratitude for these things, we take it for granted and stop doing what is needed to maintain it.

    That’s when we lose it.

    And if we still don’t recognise our ingratitude at that point, our difficulties become a trial rather than a reminder.

    Live with gratitude. Always.