Category: Self Worth

  • Question: OCD With Personal Hygiene

    Aslmkm brother, your wife had actually led me to your ask box. I was wondering if you can tell me anything or any way to help my sister who has severe ocd to the point she cannot use her bar of soap more than once or touch her own mother. She will not see a doctor even though my parents have suggested it, and uses a lot of money buying cleaning supplies as she won’t listen to us and my parents are too kind to refuse. We all feel helpless and she is too sensitive to have a discussion with.

    Wa Alaykumussalaam,

    I had a brief discussion with my wife about this. I’ll try to help as far as possible, even if only to offer some insight into what might be driving her behaviour so that we can understand what the real issue is, Insha-Allah.

    From past experiences similar to this, I’ve found that it’s almost always related to a severe insecurity that was triggered by a significant event. That sounds quite cryptic, but I guess the process we need to go through is to try to understand what was happening around the time that this behaviour first became problematic.

    I get the sense that she’s afraid of something, and what she’s demonstrating in her behaviour is really just a symptom of her expressing that fear in a very disruptive manner. So try to see her behaviour as a symptom rather than the problem itself. There’s another more concerning possibility that may be driving her behaviour, but it’s really premature for me to suggest it at this point, so I would prefer if we could discuss this in more detail via email before I say anything else.

    You can rest assured that everything will remain confidential from my side, but trying to have a meaningful discussion via the horrible Tumblr Ask box would be very difficult. My email address is on my homepage. I look forward to hearing from you further, Insha-Allah.

  • Victims and Oppressors

    It seems I created quite a stir with my views about depression and mental disorders. It’s somewhat concerning that so many people took exception to what I had to say, but hardly anyone was concerned about the vagueness and generality of the original post that encouraged professional intervention for ‘personality quirks’. 

    Worse still is the fact that hundreds of people were willing to reblog my post just to create a platform for them to hurl abuse and vulgarity at me without even trying to engage or understand the context thereof. There were a few exceptions, and where I felt it was worth my time, I dropped a note to each of them to either thank them for engaging sincerely, or to clarify my perspectives. 

    The reality is that victims are more likely to act aggressively than anyone else. In my life, whenever I was attacked physically or verbally by others, it was always plainly evident that they were responding irrationally simply because they were unable to  justify their position, or were too distracted by their self-defeating behaviours to realise that there can be an alternate view that holds merit.

    As Muslims, we believe that one of the signs of the hour approaching is that killing will become common place. Even just typing this simple line leaves me cringing at the thought of the feeble-minded that will use it to further entrench the stereotypes that they are force fed through the mass media. Nonetheless, the point is simple. The more we embellish our lives with half-truths, the less likely we are to be able to grasp the truth even if it stares us blankly in the face. 

    We live in extremes. It’s rare to find people that live as equals, but very common to find people living as victims or oppressors. All the shades of grey, let alone the colours of the rainbow, have been stifled out of our lives because we’ve become such a polarised species. 

  • Wow, I seriously haven't felt this much rage toward a person since my ex raped me. Thanks for telling me that basically I'm the cause of my own depression because I'm "not positive" enough to think myself out of my situation. Surprise, douchebag. I'm an incredibly positive person and yet I still suffer from depression. Wanna explain to me how that works? Yeah, you're a fucking privileged idiot. Shut the fuck up.

    Ok, so here’s a few free pointers for you.

    Firstly, don’t bother using the Anon feature when it’s blatantly obvious who you are because that just confirms your troll behaviour that you really should give up.

    Secondly, try getting the full picture before you go mouthing off at someone so that you don’t make a total ass of yourself when you’re trying to tell them where to get off.

    Thirdly, you and your groupies should stop your pathetic victim mentality crap and stop assuming that every person that disagrees with you, or call you out on your illogical rubbish is actually white. So here’s a newsflash for you. I’m not white. Never was white. Don’t ever intend to be white. And don’t have any white blood in my ancestry either. But I still think you’ve got issues well beyond anything I stated in my post that you so passionately oppose, and that’s coming from a non-white, so can you imagine how bad your issues must be? 

    Lastly, for you and some of your followers that can’t rationalise the rage they feel, here’s a few free words of advice for you. Anger is caused by only three things ever. And this was told to me by a black American about 20 years ago, so pay attention now. By the way, I’m of Indian origin born and bred in South Africa, so don’t talk to me about privilege because I lived in a racially divided society without any option because it was the law of the state to keep us segregated in that way. You were born at least two generations after such racial segregation was outlawed in your country, so it seems you need to wake up and smell the coffee at some point.

    Back to the advice about anger, only three things cause it. If you can think of a fourth thing, you’re better than every psychologist, philosopher and sage that has lived for the last few centuries, if not longer. So here goes:

    1. Fear of being incompetent – when you feel like someone is challenging your competence, or suggesting that you’re incompetent, you get angry
    2. Fear of being disliked – when you feel like you’re losing points in the popularity stakes, you get angry because everyone wants to be liked/likeable/popular
    3. Fear of insignificance – when you feel as if your presence or personal needs don’t count in a situation or relationship, you get angry because you feel insignificant. 

    My guess is, you and some of your followers are most prone to the last option. Get a grip and get the full picture before you go mouthing off your vulgarities at people you know nothing about. I survived more abuse in my life than you would ever imagine, the details of which is absolutely none of your business. But if you’re going to take the time to troll me, at least have the presence of mind to do your homework before you feel like venting without thinking.

    As for all the uninformed reblogs your vulgarity attracted, I guess that is testament to the fact that most people are victims, hence the insanely high rate of violence in the world today. 

  • Question – Repeat after me:

    purplechansey:

    cynicallyjaded:

    dionthesocialist:

    • Mental disorders are medical conditions.
    • Mental disorders are not personality quirks.

    Repeat after me…

    • Labels will give you mental disorders
    • Labels will reinforce your submission to a condition 
    • Labels will destroy you
    • Labels will imprison you
    • Labels are just that…labels

    Now, let’s try again…

    • Stop labelling your state of mind, it’s the same as stereotyping someone and expecting them to act differently
    • The more we ‘recognise’ so-called mental disorders as valid medical conditions, the weaker society becomes in dealing holistically with social ills because every bad experience can suddenly be ‘fixed’ with a pill
    • Neuroplasticity is proof that mental ‘disorders’ are merely a state of mind that can be altered based on experience and introspection
    • Experience has confirmed that insecurity and fears of insignificance are the most common underlying causes of symptoms of a troubled mind (a.k.a. mental disorders) and not some chemical imbalance
    • Chemical reactions are triggered by thoughts and stimuli, not the other way around. Simple proof of this is a smile. It’s confirmed to release feel-good hormones regardless of your ‘mental disorder’

    Separate the symptoms from the root cause and never confuse the two. Far too often, especially in western medicine, symptoms are almost always the focus of treatment with a holistic view shunned as being a quack’s approach to good health. The mind and body work in tandem, and not independently. Abuse one, and you’ll automatically abuse the other. Treating a physical ailment without considering the psychological or emotional triggers that caused one to be predisposed to the ailment is like taking energy drinks when you know you’re not getting enough sleep. It really is that simple.

    Give yourself a chance. You deserve to believe in yourself, because people are strange like that. They rarely believe in you unless you believe in yourself first. Think about it, and give yourself a break.

    I definitely understand where you’re coming from, but there are a couple of points in which I take issue with.

    “Neuroplasticity is proof that mental ‘disorders’ are merely a state of mind that can be altered based on experience and introspection.”

    Not necessarily. Yes, neuroplasticity has shown that the brain changes through various stages of life (and through various personal experiences), but that does not necessarily imply that mental disorders are all of a sudden reduced to nothing but “bad thoughts that can altered.” There is no denying that some mental disorders (I will get to why I italicized mental disorders and some in a bit) are indeed a chemical imbalance in the brain. Hence, why some truly need medication, and why it works for them. Where I do agree with you (or at least agree with what I suppose you’re getting at) is that medications are far overused, over-perscribed, and that a lot of what we have going on as “mental disorders” aren’t really mental disorders.

    Yes, many of them should be treated by psychotherapy instead of just popping a pill. Unfortunately, that takes much longer in the doctor’s office, so they just write them off a prescription (or four) and call it a day. Also, I agree with what you have to say when it comes to labels. Some of what is labeled under mental disorders by the DSM IV I wouldn’t necessarily want to call a mental disorder. Labels do suck, and indeed, they hold you back. Thing is, chemical imbalances do exist. They are very much a possible cause in the cases of some mental disorders. Schizophrenia being a fine example of that. And while yes, some chemical reactions are triggered by certain thoughts, experiences, and stimuli, do not forget the many that are genetically predisposed or more prone to developing such disorders. 

    Thanks for sharing those views. I agree with you on most of what you say with just one qualifier. I mentioned in previous posts, under the link that I included previously, that medication is definitely warranted as an intervention strategy. I just get really concerned when I hear people saying that they’re predisposed to depression and have been told that they will have to take anti-depressants for the rest of their lives. 

    That’s the level of abuse that we’ve come to because of the labelling of life’s struggles by suggesting that they’re in fact illnesses. They’re not. Like everything in life, there are exceptions, but the current trend is that anything that goes against the utopian ideal of a balanced life is somehow not the individual’s faults because they probably have a chemical imbalance causing them to behave irrationally, aggressively, or otherwise. 

  • I respect your view, but coming from and still in the neuroscience field, I don't agree with any of the science you've explained. Chemicals can influence mood, and even action, before it occurs, as the brain can mimic the process if it is seen performed by someone else. You should look into 'Mirror Neurons'. Anyway, I feel that under-estimating mental health issues and saying "Just be positive" is not the answer because the physical and chemical brain is directly involved.

    I fully agree with you about ‘just be positive’ is not an answer. And I hope I didn’t seem to suggest that through what I posted previously. 

    To clarify, I don’t discount the fact that there are conditions that could justifiably be classified as a disorder, but given the stigma around the word mental, I guess my personal preference would be to term it a ‘brain disorder’ or something similar, since mental implies deliberate and conscious thought (in my mind anyway). So if a physical defect (I see chemicals as physical as well) exists, then it’s a brain disorder and not a mood/mental disorder. But I suspect my use of such terms interchangeably is probably enough to irk any student of neuroscience, so I’ll stop there. 

    I appreciate the exchange. I really do. It forces me to rationalise my views, which is always a good thing. 🙂

  • Question – Repeat after me:

    storyseldomtold replied to your post: Do you have a medical background or scientific references to prove that mental illnesses are just “a state of mind” with no effects in the brain?

    The biggest issue in your methodology of deriving conclusions is the use of first-hand experiences, which is by definition, subjective and biased. Alaos, babies and infants do have depression and deficits, in case you wanted to research that.

    I think you’re being selective in what you read in my response. I said that my views are based on multiple things, including extensive research, views held by holistic healing alternatives, as well as personal experience. You can read more about my views and experiences on this subject by clicking here.

    The argument about whether or not a baby has depression is as flawed as the approach to looking at the chemical make up to determine the state of mind of an adult or teenager. The problem with that approach is that it assumes that the premise that chemicals influence moods and not the other way around is in fact accurate. That is where I disagree with the approach to mental health according to modern interpretations of the supposed cause and effect.

    The fact that I can actively influence my physical state proves that my thought patterns and resolve to act are primarily responsible for my physical condition. Ask a suicidal person why they’re suicidal (suicide relating to cultural practices excluded) and chances are you’ll find that they refuse to hope for something positive due to a massive disappointment or betrayal in their past. Our destructive behavioural patterns are almost always rooted in wanting to protect ourselves from a situation that gave rise to pain previously. However, we’re prone, as proven by this discussion, to focus on the symptoms, that’s why we tend to forget why we set down that path of self destruction to begin with. 

    What makes it all seem more confusing is the fact that such negative pre-emptive action on our part is usually seen as inherently destructive rather than being seen as a means to prevent something from occurring. That ‘something’ is usually a situation that will bring us happiness or joy, and the reason we prevent ourselves from achieving such a state is because of the risk of betrayal or disappointment that could potentially result from such a situation based on past experiences. So instead of learning how to deal with the betrayal or abandonment more effectively, which usually requires a healthy self esteem, we focus on controlling what we can control, which is our ability to sabotage such situations so that the position of joy and happiness is never achieved. 

    Only once we overcome the deep seated doubts relating to a poor self esteem are we able to see positivity where a negative outcome is always a possibility. Hence my view that the greatest gift any parent can give to their child is that of a healthy self esteem before anything else. Ever see someone with a healthy self esteem turn to drugs, or violence, or worse? Neither have I. 

  • Do you have a medical background or scientific references to prove that mental illnesses are just "a state of mind" with no effects in the brain?

    I guess this question was bound to come up. I’m not sure how it’s intended or from what perspective you’re asking this. 

    The short answer is, no. I don’t have a medical background, but all the information I share on the subject is supported by numerous research efforts, holistic healing methods that challenge mainstream medicine, and also importantly, direct personal experiences with individuals that were diagnosed with numerous extremely severe cases of ‘mental disorders’ from bipolar, to schizophrenia, to borderline personality disorder, along with living through the various treatment regiments and real life dysfunction that went with it.

    So I guess all I can say is that I can assure you that my views are not reckless conjecture, nor are they theoretical. They’re based on real life first hand experience as well as many years of researching the issues surrounding this subject out of a need to be able to understand the circumstances that I was exposed to through other individuals around me that were extremely troubled.

    My normal tongue-in-cheek view about this is usually, show me a depressed baby and I’ll reconsider my views about the relationship between chemical balances and emotional states. However, on a relatively continuous basis, my views have been tested and proven to be true with many people that were formally and repeatedly diagnosed as having severe chemical imbalances that suggested that they would be bound to intense medical treatment for the rest of their lives. After discussing the issues with them using the same ‘logic’ that I suggested in my previous post, they emerged from their ‘mental disorder’ and acknowledged that the underlying causes were entirely based on insecurities that stemmed from intense betrayal that they experienced in some form or another earlier in life, often without them realising it. 

    I hope that answers your question.

    P.S. I am NOT giving anyone medical advice. I’m simply suggesting that a fresh perspective could bring massive relief to what could otherwise be a really traumatic life. 

  • Repeat after me:

    dionthesocialist:

    • Mental disorders are medical conditions.
    • Mental disorders are not personality quirks.

    Repeat after me…

    • Labels will give you mental disorders
    • Labels will reinforce your submission to a condition 
    • Labels will destroy you
    • Labels will imprison you
    • Labels are just that…labels

    Now, let’s try again…

    • Stop labelling your state of mind, it’s the same as stereotyping someone and expecting them to act differently
    • The more we ‘recognise’ so-called mental disorders as valid medical conditions, the weaker society becomes in dealing holistically with social ills because every bad experience can suddenly be ‘fixed’ with a pill
    • Neuroplasticity is proof that mental ‘disorders’ are merely a state of mind that can be altered based on experience and introspection
    • Experience has confirmed that insecurity and fears of insignificance are the most common underlying causes of symptoms of a troubled mind (a.k.a. mental disorders) and not some chemical imbalance
    • Chemical reactions are triggered by thoughts and stimuli, not the other way around. Simple proof of this is a smile. It’s confirmed to release feel-good hormones regardless of your ‘mental disorder’

    Separate the symptoms from the root cause and never confuse the two. Far too often, especially in western medicine, symptoms are almost always the focus of treatment with a holistic view shunned as being a quack’s approach to good health. The mind and body work in tandem, and not independently. Abuse one, and you’ll automatically abuse the other. Treating a physical ailment without considering the psychological or emotional triggers that caused one to be predisposed to the ailment is like taking energy drinks when you know you’re not getting enough sleep. It really is that simple.

    Give yourself a chance. You deserve to believe in yourself, because people are strange like that. They rarely believe in you unless you believe in yourself first. Think about it, and give yourself a break.