Category: Life

  • Question – Living Selflessly

    84thlife replied to your post: 84thlife replied to your post: 84thlife replied to…

    And FWIW, I really do hope you find examples of people, personally in life or famous, whoever, who you do think do selfless things, even if just occasionally. I’m sure there are some out there. Mahatma Gandhi? Mother Teresa? Someone else?

    I guess the truth of it all is simply that I won’t see the world any differently as long as I see these shortcomings in myself. I see this lack of selflessness in my own character, hence I find it difficult to see anyone else’s motivation any differently. I guess the desire for divine reward is the only admirable selfishness of the lot, and it’s entirely understandable. Perhaps I’ll have a life experience that will convince me otherwise, but until then, I am cynically jaded, am I not? 🙂

    Edit: I don’t have much respect for Mahatma Gandhi. I think he was elevated in status more than he deserved, similar to Nelson Mandela. And I suspect that this would sound like blasphemy to those that love and admire these people, but society tends to overstate the virtues of people that simply step up and take a lead in a vacuum of principled behaviour. So it’s easy to understand why many would admire them. :/ Sorry, my jadedness knows no bounds this morning. 🙁

  • Question – Living Selflessly

    84thlife replied to your post: The more I engage with others, the clearer becomes…

    I really disagree where you said a selfless life is impossible and altruism is a lie; all people have bouts of selfishness from time to time but that doesn’t mean they don’t have bouts of selflessness, too. I say we agree to disagree. 🙂

    I know where you’re coming from with this, but perhaps my jadedness makes me see things differently. To me, we do things for either one of the following key reasons:

    1. We desire appreciation
    2. We desire affirmation
    3. We desire inclusion
    4. We desire admiration
    5. We desire respect
    6. We desire divine reward

    There’s probably one or two more reasons that motivate people to do things for seemingly selfless reasons, but that’s all that comes to mind right now. This is what I was referring to in my original post about some of the motivations being honourable, commendable or noble,  because there’s always an expectation of something in return, even if that something is not materialistic or socially quantifiable in this lifetime. Point 6 above is probably the most noble of them all because it seeks recognition from other than man. But it still indicates a desire for personal gain of some sort.

    If I haven’t convinced you yet, then I’m happy to agree to disagree. 🙂

  • Living Selflessly

    The more I engage with others, the clearer becomes my view of my own dysfunction. Surviving abuse at so many levels across such a broad spectrum of my life while still maintaining my sanity comes at a cost. Only, the cost is rarely discernible by any around me, and often, not even me. 

    I could write volumes about my coping mechanisms and my insane ability to still believe in people and having hope in humanity, but it will make me vomit. And if that is the response it will elicit from me, I’d hardly want to put anyone else through a similar trial.

    People will disappoint and betray as long as there’s stars in the sky and a sunrise tomorrow morning. We’re designed to collide in our needs versus the expectations of others. The more we need, the greater our disappointment. The more we expect, the greater our pain. 

    A selfless life is impossible, because by design, everything we do is motivated by a selfish desire. While those desires may be honourable, noble, or commendable, they’re nonetheless selfish. Altruism is a lie, and philanthropists are just people that trade wealth for respect and appreciation. So it stands to reason that our value must be judged not by our apparent intent, nor our vested interest, but instead it should be judged by the impact we have on others. Regardless of what my selfish motives may have been, if the outcome is positive, it makes no difference what drove me to achieve it. 

    I’ve often realised that even my conscious efforts at maintaining a specific focus in intent or motivation later revealed a less honourable desire lurking beneath. And so I abandon my self-hate and self-loathing so that I can one day be judged more fairly by the one Who created me. Until then, everyone else is just wasting good oxygen offering their opinions about who I am and why I do what I do. They’ll forever be wrong, even more wrong than I.

  • Question – Choices

    seinedoll replied to your quote: Our past only rules our hearts and minds as long…

    What if the past can resurface at any moment?

    I know what you mean. It happens to me often. The only time it ever knocks me off balance (so to speak) is when it’s related to an incident that didn’t have closure. I’m usually quite pedantic in getting the truth out of others when it comes to disagreements that lead to people going their separate ways, because that way, I’m not left wondering about what-if’s forever. But, unfortunately, more often than not, the more important issues are rarely accompanied by the closure we need, in which case I just keep reminding myself that Allah saved me from something that would have been detrimental to my being. And I also remind myself that (in the case of an unpleasant relationship experience) the actions that played out were reflective of who they were, and not who I am. Either way, it sucks. :-/

  • Choices

    The brain numbing effects of medication is scary. Ever since I took a mood stabiliser and an anti-depressant a few years ago, I’ve been hyper-sensitive to side effects in other medication that may have the slightest influence on moods or anxiety levels. The knee jerk reaction of most people that I mention this to is to suggest that the symptoms are entirely psychosomatic. However, they’re wrong every time because they say that on the assumption that I read the insert of the medication before taking it. I don’t. I usually take the medication, then observe the changes in my moods and behaviours (I’m weird like that) and then, if I can’t explain the changes, I go searching for answers. 

    This week I’ve been in bed with a combination of the flu, pharyngitis and a touch of bronchitis. The previous time this happened, the anti-biotic that was prescribed for me by my doctor caused me to get really aggressive and short-tempered. I only realised it after three days had passed, at which point I promptly reviewed the side-effects, honed in on the potential impact, and discontinued the anti-biotic (against my doctor’s advice since you are required to complete the course once started), and within a day or two, I felt my normal self again.

    This week, a different anti-biotic was prescribed, and on the first night that I took it, I had graphic nightmares and woke up almost every hour on the hour, or in between as well, with the nightmares continuing like a sequel each time I fell asleep. This was highly unusual for me. Again, against the advice of my doctor, I discontinued the course of anti-biotics and requested an alternative. The alternative is much better and the side-effects have been much more bearable. 

    When I share my views about depression and mood altering medication, I’m speaking from first hand experience, and never conjecture. The reasons I took those meds to begin with are anything but ordinary, so you would most likely be horribly mistaken if you tried to guess what it was. The effects of the medication this week is still wearing off, with the current course of anti-biotics set to run for a few more days. 

    This seems like a really pointless post, but there’s an uneasiness that I feel when I consider how lightly or readily most people take medication without any concern for the lasting impact it has on their health. I’m not the healthiest person around, but given some of my life’s experiences, more than one doctor expressed surprise at the fact that I have not had a major life event yet (that’s doctor speak for a heart attack, or something worse). The point is, we need to live consciously. Most people don’t. Most of the time we’re so focused on fitting in and conforming that we forget to think about what is or isn’t good for us. It’s the common herd mentality. Try to suggest that the herd is wrong, and I guess my recent abrasive discussions on Tumblr with some sheep clearly demonstrates what happens. You get bullied and maligned until you conform. I choose not to conform because I see how pathetic conformance makes others. 

    I guess this is just a really long-winded plea for people to start taking themselves more seriously. Rather than accepting whatever criticisms you get from others, spend time reflecting on your own principles, motivations and merits that drive you to be who you are. If the criticism confirms that, and you’re comfortable that that is who you choose to be, then great. You’re on the right track, even if it means that you’re the odd one out. If you compromise your principles in the hope of being more socially acceptable, you will, not maybe, not likely, but definitely will be setting yourself up for a whole lot of pain. 

    Our past only rules our hearts and minds as long as we’re oblivious to the fact that it is in fact the past. 

  • Life

    the72sects:

    Life, by design, is intended to be a struggle and nothing less. If you’re not facing a struggle, then you’re probably not paying attention. But this struggle called life is supposed to be a joyous struggle, not a painful one. Joyous because it’s supposed to be a struggle towards earning the pleasure of Allah. But when we’re distracted with pleasures that are detrimental to this goal, the struggle becomes a painful one because it goes against the nature that Allah has embedded in our souls. So I pray that your struggle is a joyous one, and that the distractions are few and far between, and that the coolness of your eyes becomes a part of your life before your eyes become tainted with the bitterness of the distractions. Insha-Allah.

  • Labels and Life

    For everyone that thought my points about labels were uncalled for, take a look at this video if you haven’t seen it already. Positive affirmation is as powerful as negative affirmation. Continuously telling someone that they can’t do something or be a certain way eventually convinces them that it is true. I wish people would stop being so reckless with their lives. I wish people would stop believing that they always need fixing. I wish people would just learn to be real and stop pursuing the fake ideals that they gluttonously swallow from Hollywood, Bollywood, etc.

    (Source: http://www.youtube.com/)

  • A Brain Dump

    Looking across the table at my daughter leaves me wondering if she’ll ever grasp the extent of the struggles and sacrifices that I and many others have gone through just so that she may have a normal life. She already takes so much for granted which goes against so many principles that I always thought were established laws of nature, so much so that I foolishly assumed that she would automatically adopt them as her own.

    I’ve been cautioned before about not being able to change the genes of a person, but being the pragmatic idealist that I am, words like that do nothing more than spur me on to prove that idealism still has a place in this world. I’m not so sure any more. There was a time when I was unshakeable in my views about what principles could or could not be compromised in life, but these days it seems as if nothing is sacred any longer. Reciprocation is a luxury while selfish individual rights supersede everything else. 

    This must sound extremely selfish since a parent’s role by default is supposed to be a selfless one. I don’t think selflessness exists. It’s a nice idea, and makes for really wholesome use in the embellishment of people’s efforts, but at the root of it all, of everything we do, lies a single common thread that contains just two words. Gratitude and affirmation. There is only so much any individual will do for the sake of the greater good, before we expect that greater good to return the favour. 

    There is no balance any more. The echoes no longer just remind but now they taunt as well. Echoes of what this world is and for what it was created. I once heard a wise man say that this world was created for respite, not justice. I hate how true that statement is. For this reason the good will always be trampled upon while the usurpers will continue to flourish – in this world only.

    Looking at my daughter tonight made me realise how insignificant we can be in the face of the most significant challenge in our lives. How oblivious others can be about the sacrifices we make on their behalf, while they live as if the world owes them everything leaves me staring vacantly at the future.