It tires me just thinking about how futile some struggles can be. Many of my struggles fit this description quite well. Seeing all the posts about Muharram, about special occasions, about noted personalities, and scholarly quotes, and admirable leaders…all this sometimes inspires me, but most times it tires me.
It reminds me of how much people focus their lives around special occasions and forget to live in between. It reminds me about how so many become cult followers of notable personalities and inadvertently create sects within the Ummah. I see people arguing about who should have been the leader of the Muslims after the demise of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) as if that would influence their imaan or standing in Allah’s eyes as individuals…and they forget how many transgressions they commit in the process of such useless debate.
We’ve become historians about Islam more than we are believers…we need so badly to be right about whose view is correct and whose is kufr that we’ve lost sight of the essence of Islam. We focus on who practices which rituals and compartmentalise them so that it’s easy to define where they fit in the hierarchy of believers, as if we’re even capable of gauging the true worth of anyone. And all this leaves me feeling quite disillusioned about life and this Ummah that I so desperately want to feel a part of…but I don’t.
I feel like I’m on the outside looking in, despite sharing the same articles of faith, and the same passion for peace and tranquility of the soul in finding serenity in the remembrance of Allah. But…sigh…it doesn’t seem to matter. Presentation is much more important than substance these days. The embellishment of the facade determines our worth in the eyes of others…reminds me of something someone posted recently that struck a chord with me…despite your best intentions, society will judge you by your appearance, but despite your best appearance, Allah will judge you by your intentions. Still, we focus on appearance…we focus on appearance…and social circles…and prestige…and social standing…and outward religiosity…and when this becomes the preoccupation of my mind, I remind myself that a prostitute was granted Jannah for a single sincere act of kindness to a dog…that same prostitute would have been openly declared by many a scholar as being a kaafir because of her chosen line of work…or her dress code…or her social standing…yet she was a Jannati…but STILL, we judge by appearance…and have useless debates that never strengthens our imaan but only strengthens our pride or arrogance because of our skill at debating and nothing more…it’s so tiring…utterly exhausting…