Who Cares?

When afliction hits me, it’s so easy to slip into a state of self-pity, or more accurately self-loathing and dismiss everything of significance as nothing at all, simply because it seems like no one cares at all. I’ve often wondered how faith in a greater power may or may not affect this state of mind. Sometimes I think that if my faith is strong enough, I’ll always believe and be certain about the fact that everything that happens, happens for a good reason and that it’s probably saving me from something so much worse instead.

Yet other times I think that maybe it’s just happening because I don’t deserve any better, in which case it’s not that I was saved from something worse, but rather denied something better because I am simply not good enough to earn the good that I’m yearning for. But through it all, no matter how low I sink, I can’t stop myself from caring about a beautiful soul, no matter how much that soul may have damaged me in the process of them not believing in themself, or in me.

So I guess after all is said and done, I do care…and I hate myself for it more often than not because it sets a false expectation that I can expect someone to want to reciprocate it at some point…maybe I’m just an ingrate by nature and haven’t realised it yet.