Tag: manners

  • On Atheists, Cartoons, And Muslim Mobs

    There is nothing so bad that there is no good in it. This has proven to be true in every challenge or struggle I’ve ever experienced in my life. Most recently it has once again proven true in my engagements with a group of atheists on Facebook. I’m constantly cautioned by those around me that engaging with them is a futile exercise and will only create doubts in my own mind about what I believe to be true. I respectfully disagree.

    By engaging with these atheists, I am forced to rationalise my beliefs, my faith, my subscription to a set of laws that have proven to transcend specific periods of time, and in this there is much to be gained. It confirms that man-made laws have to constantly be adapted to cater for the changes in society, but laws based on sound principles are applicable at every stage of human development.

    Muslims generally avoid taking a critical view of Islam because of the fear-mongering Imams that discourage such questioning. If you believe in something blindly, can that really be called faith or iman? Assuming that it can be considered as iman, how is blind belief ever going to strengthen that iman? Will that iman not then stifle and be fragile the moment it is challenged rationally by one that does not hold Islam in such high regard? Isn’t it then true that by not rationalising or clarifying your beliefs or at least trying to understand the logic behind the Islamic injunctions, you’re actually exposing yourself to a greater risk of misguidance or deviation, let alone the risk of being ‘convinced’ that your belief system is not credible, thereby resulting in you either holding on because of the fear of letting go, rather than holding on because you actually believe? Worse still, doesn’t it then expose you to the very real possibility of having that iman stripped away from you because of doubts that others could sow in your heart?

    I strongly oppose the views of many that suggest that we must simply do and not question. How we question is the critical differentiator. But that we must question is unquestionable. That we must understand is undeniable. Yet we have mobs of Muslims running through the streets destroying private property in their display of outrage in defence of the image of Rasulullah (SAW) whilst at the same time being oblivious to the fact that Rasulullah (SAW) himself or his companions never responded in such a despicable or barbaric manner when the very person of our beloved prophet was directly and infinitely more abused and attacked by the disbelievers in Mecca and Taif and so many other incidents. When the entrails of a goat was thrown on Rasulullah (SAW) he didn’t pronounce the death sentence over those that did it. When he was stoned out of Taif and had the opportunity to have the entire town destroyed, he made dua for them to be guided and didn’t rally the companions into mobs to harass or destroy the property of anyone that got in the way of their ‘protest’.

    This dignity and patience is absent in the mobs that profess to be protesting in the name of defending the honour of Islam and the Prophet (SAW). All they’re doing is revealing their barbaric tendencies and ignorance of the true values that Islam inculcates in us. I still maintain that the Muslims are directly responsible for the tarnished image of Islam today. If we conducted ourselves with integrity and dignity in line with Islamic principles, we would be above the reproach that is being levelled against us, because it would have been easy for the layman atheist to even determine that any such unfounded criticism against us is exactly that, unfounded.

    It’s time to stop blaming cartoonists and pathetic attempts at sensationalism for the attack on Islam, and start looking inwardly at our own communities and personal behaviour that maligns the honour of the Prophet (SAW) much more than any despicable cartoon or video could ever do.

  • In Need of a Label

    Sometimes I feel inclined to succumb to the labelling that makes others feel more comfortable to be with me or around me. Perhaps I should be the stereotype that is expected of me, and assume the position of vulnerability and neediness that would make others feel more significant around me. Labels, stigmas, stereotypes and the like repulse me. It forces me into a pigeon hole and makes me feel smothered and claustrophobic.

    It’s seemingly easier for me to deal with others that don’t fit the mould than it is for others to deal with me. I don’t tow the line when I’m expected to, and I don’t reserve opinion when it would be proper or polite. Instead, at this ripe old age, I still fail to realise that sincerity is not what is being sought, but rather affirmation. Saying the right thing at the wrong time has probably gotten more people in trouble than anything else.

    Such is the double standards of being human. We choose to see others through our insecurities and then lash out when they respond in a way that exposes it. I’m probably a prick of a human being because I don’t see fit to play along out of obligation when needed to do so. I assume that others are as passionate about the truth, sincerity and transparency as I am, and I’ll repeat that as many times as is needed despite knowing how arrogant it must sound.

    Proclaiming not to be arrogant isn’t the same as professing to be humble, which as they say is arrogance in itself. The absence of arrogance is not necessarily humility, nor is the absence of humility arrogance. Both are in fact perspectives that others hold of us which most often would not be true because it’s easier for me to dismiss someone else as being arrogant instead of accepting that I may have failed to engage meaningfully or explained myself sufficiently. This doesn’t excuse the behaviour of those that are inconsiderate morons who assume that the world revolves around them, although having said that, I get the nagging feeling that I just contradicted myself.

    This is a pointless ramble.

  • Catharsis

    akhirah:

    SubhanAllah, I had a moment at the masjid today that hurt me, but the lesson from it was liberating.

    After tarawih I was speaking to a good friend & another acquaintance  of mine when another woman I know came and hugged both of my friends and turned away from me. I refrained from judging the situation too quickly, however the circumstance just stunk of the cliquish attitudes that people adopt. My face fell and I tried not to be offended that this woman was purposefully ignoring my existence yet standing in front of me talking to the people I was just speaking to. I continued to listen to the conversation and nodded my head, feeling a bit embarrassed and not sure why. Finally, I said salaams to all of them and left the masjid, wondering what I could have done to make this woman dislike me. As I pondered it over, it occurred to me that I was blaming myself for this possible error of judgment or this woman’s problem with me, when I was given no inclination as to how I could fix it. 

    It became clear to me that we can blame ourselves so much for how people treat us, but it can sometimes be people who exact the worst kind of revenge: the one where they don’t tell you what is wrong or why they have a problem with you. Then you live in ‘community x’ dealing with people ‘y’ who may consistently give you a negative attitude without ever speaking to you like a decent human being. This situation is juvenile and immature, but I’m afraid it’s all too common in our ummah. At the heart of it, it’s a lack of adab across the board that eats away at the potential we have to be a family, a big huge Muslim family. So many little issues amount to widespread negativity… 

    People afraid to say salaams to others, but stalking the hell out of their facebooks or twitters. 

    People standing shoulder to shoulder to Tarawih, but stepping on each other’s feet to get the free kulfi at the masjid dinner.

    People engaging in the culture/color wars over what country you’re from and what color you are.

    Or worst of all, entering a masjid full of unsmiling faces, just because they don’t know you personally. I feel hurt the most for the visitors who, looking for warmth & unity, find nothing but hostility or even worse: silence. 

    So what do you do?

    Do you sit around and become bitter? Do you accept that people hold grudges in their heart?

    No, you free yourself from it all.

    How?

    Be that person you’ve been looking for all this time. No matter what.

    -Smile at every single person you see & give them that beautiful salutation of As Salaamu Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

    -If someone doesn’t treat you right, show them how it’s done and treat them right. Ask Allah to correct their behavior and if the opportunity avails itself, remind them gently.

    -Look for someone to help and help them with a humble attitude and no expectation for anything in return.

    At the end of the day, you have the potential to promote positive change by leading by example. Take that opportunity and be good with reckless abandon, throwing your smiles at people and helping everyone without hesitation. If you’re already a beacon of light, keep it up my friend. If not, let yourself shine and follow the example of the most merciful human being to ever walk this Earth, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi was’sallam. 

    SubhanAllah, what a beautiful example. The prophet was a man who would treat everyone he met with such deep compassion and care that they would think that they were the most important person in the room when he, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam spoke to them. 

    His enemies became Muslim when they witnessed his beautiful akhlaaq and yet we, who call ourselves Muslim reject our own and lose each other in negativity. 

    Wherever you are, if you are reading this, plead sincerely with our Lord to fortify us as one and bless us with harmony, in the smallest as well as the largest of gatherings. 

    Finally, I’m soothed most by one thing in particular:

    no matter how badly someone may hurt you or reject your good will, it was never for them anyway.

    I wish I could say that I never experienced the above type of behaviour from Muslims as well. It’s a shame really. Vying for attention at the expense of our humility and sincerity.

  • Dua: To Pray Quietly

    The proper way to make du’a is in a subdued voice, as Allah tells us:

    “Call upon your Lord with humility, and in secret.” (Surah al-A’raf:55)

    This is why Allah praised the du’a of Zakaraiya when He described it as being secret:

    “When he made a du’a to his Lord in secret (or privately).” (Surah Maryam:3)

    This principle is also mentioned in hadith. The Prophet peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

    “O people! Be gentle on yourselves, for you are not calling someone who is deaf or absent. Rather you are calling the One Who hears everything, Ever-Close.” (Recorded in al-Bukhari)

    Shaykh al-Islam ibn Taymiyyah, also mentioned a number of benefits of making du’a silently in his work Majmu al-Fatawa which are as follows:

    1. It is a sign of strong imaan, as it demonstrates that we firmly believe Allah can hear even the quietest of prayers.
    2. It is a sign of respect and manners in front of Allah, for us to lower our voices.
    3. It is a sign of humility and humbleness, which is the essence of worship.
    4. It is a means of achieving sincerity, since you will not draw the attention of others.
    5. It aids the heart on concentrating on the du’a.
    6. It shows a closeness that the true believer feels for their Creator, and is a means of strengthening the close relationship between ourselves and Allah.
    7. It is easier on the tongue and body and therefore aids us in extending our du’a to Allah.
    8. It causes less distraction to others.
    9. It prevents a person form the the target of envy and jealousy.

  • My struggles with those symbols

    It feels like I’ve come almost full circle in my contemplations regarding that dastardly symbol that grates me each time the thought flits through my mind. After reading a post on Tumblr this week, I was suddenly faced with the realisation that perhaps my response to this matter has been one of extremism rather than purposeful reason.

    My contempt for the moon and star as symbols of Islam has not abated. But my resolve to separate myself from the community based on this contempt that I feel is wavering. I maintain my position regarding the double standards and hypocrisy demonstrated by many Ulama of South Africa. I have not engaged with others outside of this country, but I have no reason to believe that the mainstream views will be equally distastefully biased towards the popular vote rather than the principled reality. A reality that dictates that the moon and star are symbols of paganism adopted directly into Islam from pagan roots and has never had any reference to any Islamic practise either during the time of Rasulullah (SAW) or after. 

    But this is clear to me, and is therefore not at the core of my uneasiness tonight. The post that I read this week on Tumblr spoke of unity in the Ummah and what acts were overlooked although known to be incorrect at the time of its occurrence, in favour of maintaining such unity. These acts were overlooked by learned companions (RA) in their endeavour to maintain unity above all else. Suddenly, with this in mind, my decision to remove myself from the gathering at the local masjid out of protest against that horrible symbol affixed to the minaret and dome seems to be an act of extremism rather than conscientious objection. 

    I used to feel assured that my position was correct and my behaviour justified. I’m now left with only the feeling of surety regarding my position, but no longer my behaviour. I’m starting to doubt if staying away, and avoiding the difficult discussions with the trustees is in fact the correct way to deal with this, and more importantly, if it is a justifiable response to what is a bid’ah but not necessarily a major act of kufr. 

    May Allah guide me in this matter. Ameen.

  • My Guilt About Women in Niqab

    I feel extremely guilty but also bitter whenever I see photos intended to elevate the awareness and appreciation for women that wear niqab, and I despise myself for it. I’ve always held such women in the highest esteem. Living in a non-Muslim country, my respect for them was even greater knowing that they were establishing such modesty without anyone compelling them to do so.

    But after my absolutely close encounter with the hypocrisy and cowardliness that exists in these circles, it has tainted my views about niqabi’s in ways that have made it extremely difficult for me to reconcile my experiences with what could be a very different reality. Anyone that knows me will know that I despise generalisations, or holding people to account for something that they’re not responsible for. I also despise dragging people down if they’re making an effort to improve themselves while others are constantly focusing on their shortcomings. I’ve been on the receiving end for all of these trends, and it’s for these reasons, among others, that I despise my current state that leads me to feel repulsed at the sight of a woman in niqab. In fact, the word ‘despise’ is an understatement in this context.

    My negative experiences with women in niqab far outweigh my positive experiences, not because they were wearing niqab, but because of their actions and behaviours as individuals. So this is really a horrible case of memory by association that is really troubling me. I will let go of the association between my bad experiences and bad memories, and the act of wearing a beautiful adornment for women of modesty, Insha-Allah. But until then, this will always be a blatant reminder for me that the actions of those that appear overtly as Muslims can so easily taint the reputation of Muslims and Islam, and thereby drive others away from the beauty it has to offer, instead of inviting them through the simple acts that are beneficial and encouraged for us to practise.

    The same is true for men that dress according to the sunnah, wear the full length beard, adorn their heads with appropriate head coverings, and attend masjid for salaah with jamaah five times a day, and then swindle people out of money in order to make a profit, or beat their wives up out of frustration at the lack of their own manliness, or abuse the rights of their workers because they have authority over them.

    This is a pointless post, but Insha-Allah I’m hoping that writing about this for the first time in over a year since my horrid experiences with a niqabi in pursuit of a halaal marriage through halaal means will finally set me on the path towards putting that firmly behind me. It’s not a matter of needing to forgive, because that has already been done. It’s now clearly a matter of needing to forget.

  • And when the ignorant (mockingly) address them, they merely say: “Peace”.

    Qur’an (25:63)