I recently realised that the only reason why I will always be affected by betrayal is because behind it all I still hope for good from the people that betrayed me. As long as I maintain that hope, I won’t make that decision to move on and leave them in the past. But I also realised that I hold on to that hope because it’s equally painful to accept that I could have been so wrong about them. Because in accepting that I was wrong, repeatedly, I also accept that I can’t trust myself to see the true character in others. So the decision that will give me back the power to define my future is shrouded in fear. And so I’m still a victim waiting for people to be true to themselves so that I don’t have to give up my hope in humanity. Maybe my notions of being a hopeless romantic is in fact a carefully crafted lie to protect myself from the reality of my ignorance in matters of the heart?

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