Blog
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I recently realised that the only reason why I will always be affected by betrayal is because behind it all I still hope for good from the people that betrayed me. As long as I maintain that hope, I won’t make that decision to move on and leave them in the past. But I also realised that I hold on to that hope because it’s equally painful to accept that I could have been so wrong about them. Because in accepting that I was wrong, repeatedly, I also accept that I can’t trust myself to see the true character in others. So the decision that will give me back the power to define my future is shrouded in fear. And so I’m still a victim waiting for people to be true to themselves so that I don’t have to give up my hope in humanity. Maybe my notions of being a hopeless romantic is in fact a carefully crafted lie to protect myself from the reality of my ignorance in matters of the heart?
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“If Ignorance is Bliss, ‘Tis Folly to be Wise.”
A detached, uninterested look
is my favorite pick up line.
Rotting, oxidized plums
are my choice of fine wine.
Homeless streets and rotted benches
are my pick for a suitable bed.
He left love letters and Benjamins
on the floor for me to shred.
Without desire to destroy
I found myself so starved.
I didn’t realize I was empty
due to the hole that he had carved.
I wasn’t aware I longed for neglect
because that’s what I was used to.
I wasn’t aware I preferred the taste of poison
because it was the only flavor I knew.
I wasn’t aware I was comforted by danger
because after violence, came the embrace.
I wasn’t quite aware of anything until the
wounds healed and gone was his last trace.
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I love the energy and serenity all at once…Wish I could put this up on my wall in my living room!
