Tag: frustration

  • Academia

    The demise of this world will result from the intellectual laziness that is excessively camouflaged by the brain numbing acquisition of useless information through academic pursuits disguised as models against which free thinkers are supposedly developed.

    CJ

  • Who needs to dream?

    So it’s time to give up on another
    dream…or maybe more accurately – dreams, since so many of them have been
    inextricably intertwined in my latest halucinations. 2010 is definitely a year
    worth remembering and forgetting all at the same time.
    The lows…recovering from the fire that wiped out the cottage, and the mess and
    financial havoc that went with it…let alone the personal strife and
    trauma…the accident with the beemer and again, the financial havoc that went
    with it. Then there was the job front that showed me my rear end…so I started
    out 2011 unemployed, and seemingly unemployable since a matric certificate from 22 years ago apparently trumps 20 years of exhaustive effort, amazing achievements and solid experience in an area of IT that most people suck at.
    Once again being estranged from my eldest daughter because of the twisted bitchiness of her deranged mother that thinks that it’s a sure fire way to get me to take her back. Sick bitch. And how could I leave out being dumped a million times over because of my undesirable level of social unacceptability rather than because I’m undesirable. So that confirms that I’m supposedly unemployable and unmarry-able if the latest opinions of me are to be deemed authoritative. Not that it differs much from previous opinions that were offered in this regard.
    So the highs would be…the untimely death of my ex-wife…unashamedly a positive event in my life, only to leave me with one of the greatest challenges in her wake as well. Pun intended. My younger daughter now living with me so that I can fend off wave after wave of ridiculous accusations from her grandparents about abuse, neglect, kidnapping and who knows what else…followed by bare-fanged ingratitude and venom from people I always suspected of insincerity but assumed the best of anyway. So much for the highs…launched an online business that has yet to make a single sale (other than my own purchase) in more than 4 months! Yet another financial disaster.
    And so it continues…and now, to give up on the dreams that I shaped around this home in which I invested heavily in time, money and a lot of hard work and sweat! But without the job, there can be no house to call my own, and so, as before, just as I grow comfortable or optimistic about establishing a really homely environment for myself and my family, it’s got to go, and I need to start again. Only this time, I have no inclination to start again…only a need to curl up and die and hope that that will be the end of it. But such good fortune does not await me…it would be too easy.
    And suicide is not an option either…so here goes nothing…again. I’m starting to feel like that tree in the forest that falls and no one hears…which makes its fall irrelevant and inconsequential.

  • I’m Thankful…or am I?

    Gratitude is not simply a state of mind, but rather a state of being. Appreciating someone but restraining yourself from openly expressing it, verbally or otherwise, is of no use to them, and only sows the seeds of selfishness in your own heart. True appreciation would result in a willingness to acknowledge the impact that someone else’s efforts or contribution has on your life. Anything less cannot be appreciation. If we are willing to consume, then we must also be willing to contribute as well. Otherwise we introduce an imbalance in our lives that can never lead to healthy relationships. Don’t let your fear of allowing significant others into your personal space result in the destruction of beauty in your life.

  • Never Mock A Reward Chart

    In my efforts to be the best mom I could be, I lost sight of the simple truths of parenting. Kids don’t care about sophisticated approaches, or logical explanations, nor do they give a damn about listening to long drawn out explanations about why they’re not getting what they want because of something they did a week ago. For them it’s simple…instant gratification.

    After struggling for some time now, with much therapy sessions and co-opting critically influential family figures in my efforts to get my daughter to break the nasty habit of bed wetting, I finally decided to try out the one simple option that I had been skeptical about for months. A reward chart. On the one hand, I initially dismissed the idea because I thought it lacked any bite given that she didn’t seem to care what my perception was of her. However, I think that the process we followed with her had merit at every step of the way, even if it did not directly impact the final outcome.

    The trauma therapy was needed to establish a baseline of her state of mind after losing her mother. It created a safe environment for her to feel comfortable to break the ice and start expressing the thoughts and emotions that were haunting/taunting her little soul. And it provided me with important insight into her world so that I didn’t go off assuming that her non-compliance was simply stubbornness or disrespect for authority. I chose to stop the therapy when the therapist confirmed that there were no remaining issues related to emotional trauma, but rather behavioural issues that she needed to outgrow.

    That’s when the hard work started. Not only was it difficult to look beyond my own ego when dealing with her, but it was almost impossible to restrain the disciplinarian in me when it needed to be restrained the most. To eliminate the possibilities of what may have been causing the bed wetting, we had her examined by a GP as well, who found that she did indeed have an infection which could exacerbate any bladder control problems. So all of these interventions contributed to the overall roadmap towards weaning her off this distasteful habit.

    At the start of writing this post, she had completed three full days without incident. However, I just heard that she once again had an ‘accident’ while playing. Her simple explanation is that she didn’t want to go to the toilet when the need arose, and I’m not sure if this is a good sign that she’s at least not lying about her reasons, or is it the start of another bout of stubbornness. What goes on in her head is still such a mystery in so many ways, and where I find myself easily interpreting the behaviour and underlying motivation for actions in kids and adults alike, I’m struggling with her. Are the remnants of anger that I still feel towards her mother preventing me from seeing her as an individual? Or am I still looking at her through muddied spectacles pre-empting every negative action or behavioural pattern as being a sign of her potential to grow up like the troubled character that her mother was? Either way, I need to get beyond this.

    I cannot afford to give her mother any further power over me from beyond the grave, nor can I afford to lose patience or give up in trying to establish a meaningful level of interaction between my daughter and I. But all this is definitely easier said than done. Is it my fear of failure that’s preventing me from accepting accountability in resolving this mess, or is it frustration at never having been able to get through to her mother that’s preventing me from wanting to extend myself that far with my daughter?

    I know it’s not fair on her, and I know it’s not right to expect a 5 year old to be fully accountable for all their actions since they’re still developing their abilities of reason, logic and the understanding of choices and the related cause and effect. But the stubborn adult in me believes that if I explained it gently and simply to her at least 10 times already, I have a reasonable expectation of her to understand and comply! Am I being stubborn or unreasonable, or am I correct in persisting in this way so that she realises that she needs to take this more seriously? Of course, that assumes that she realises what the fuss is all about anyway.

    I guess this excerpt from http://www.bedwettingfaq.com/ sums it up quite well:

    There are some experts who have pointed out that bed wetting could be a “vicious” cycle. If stress causes the child to wet the sheets, this could also cause serious stress to the parents. Stressed out parents could distress children more and even make the situation worse. There are studies showing that punishing and shaming children because of bed wetting could actually, increase nighttime accidents. This would eventually lead to more punishment and shaming. This could cause serious problems with the child’s confidence and self-esteem.