Tag: heroes

  • The Placebo Effect

    I sometimes wish I could speak myself out of an unpleasant situation. I don’t mean a negotiation with someone else, I mean literally talk my mind out of noticing reality for what it is. So I often marvel at those that hold on to mantras and affirmations and repeat that to themselves in times of stress, and suddenly feel a sense of calm or composure that descends on them. Affirmations obviously work for many, otherwise there wouldn’t be such a prevalence of it. But there’s an underlying message that I think is more important.

    Here’s the thing about placebos and affirmations that I find interesting. If it was merely the suggestion of recovery that helped us to recover, did we really need to recover from something in the first place? This refers to both physical or psychological imbalance. For example, if I experience palpitations from being unduly stressed about a situation, and I take a lump of sugar to calm down, would I have been able to calm down without that sugar lump? I think the answer is yes. Some would argue that this is not a very good example because sugar water has a reputation of calming panic-stricken subjects. Perhaps they’re right, but does that mean that without that sugar lump the panic-stricken one will not recover except through some form of external physical intervention?

    What if the intervention was not physical in the form of sugar or any other medication, but instead, it was in the form of a reassuring handhold, or a hug, or words of comfort to remind them of what is important and what should be focused on instead? If that causes the palpitations to subside, would it still be necessary, or does it prove that beneath all those interventions we were innately capable of overcoming that stressful situation without losing control to begin with?

    I have no doubt that this is a touchy subject for most. I’ve seen many lash out with spittle from seething anger when their need for emotional comfort was challenged, or their need for supplements or other medicinal sources was doubted. So the underlying issue of the placebo effect is simply this. If placebos work on us, it means that we’re inherently capable of overcoming whatever it is that we’re facing or struggling with, without any affirmations or placebos being needed, because the ability to overcome was already there to begin with. The placebo or affirmation only convinced us to apply it.

    So then I ask myself why it is that we would willingly choose to be dependent when independence is in fact what we mostly desire? I think it’s because behind that need for dependence is a subtle scream that demands that the world recognise our struggle, or our persecution. Persecution isn’t fun if no one marvels at our ability to rise above it. I mean, why do we revel in telling tales of how bad we had it after we’ve overcome it? Why is it that telling the same tales before we’ve overcome it is burdensome to share and repulsive to listen to? When we lack conviction in our self-worth, we pursue distractions that will bolster our offering to the world. The less we see value in ourselves, the more we’ll cry out to the world for recognition or attention. But being pitiful does not suit this purpose, so we become increasingly elaborate and often unconsciously devious in our efforts to present the martyrs in us in a way that appears as heroes instead.

    We’re generally victims by default. Of this I am convinced. Being more than this requires effort and conviction. Effort and conviction is lacking in most because we’re too busy waiting to be recognised and appreciated before we do what needs to be done. Yes, those are horrible generalisations, but the horrible state of the world generally bears it out as truths. In this lies the underlying nagging realisation of why placebos and affirmations (which are pretty much one and the same) are redundant. It sounds like a complex issue, but only because we make it so. The more we believe in ourselves, the less likely we will be to need assistance or catalysts to prompt us to face the next hurdle with decisiveness and courage.

    But, and yes, there is another but…we risk being exactly what we despise when we shore up that self-belief without substance. In other words, when we focus on affirmations rather than true capability, we lose sight of the capability and become dependent on the affirmation. If we focus on the capability, the emphasis of our efforts will be to hone those capabilities in order to be more effective.

    If affirmations stop at the point of being a reminder, rather than a vague reassurance, it’s a helpful tool towards becoming more mindful about what you truly possess as skills and capabilities. Problem is, it mostly becomes a required coping mechanism because we’re simply distracted. Distracted from who we are, what we’re capable of, and appreciating everything we have. When you downplay either of those aspects of being you, you become weak, and therefore dependent on reassurance when in fact decisiveness is all that is needed.

    We feel overwhelmed when our assumptions about reality exceed our assumptions of our self. Reduce the assumptions and focus on the substance, and suddenly the world appears much more conquerable than ever before.

  • Heroes and Hero Worship

    I once heard someone say that each time we create a hero, we diminish our own capacity for greatness. It’s a truth I can easily subscribe to because I cannot relate to the reality of having heroes to begin with. I’ve never looked at someone and thought to myself, “I want to grow up to be just like you”. So this truth is my truth, whether convenient or not. I consider those with heroes to be blessed, but simultaneously sheltered. The convenience of it must be so comforting.

    I’m not talking of heroes from history books or personalities that existed at some point in time prior to my existence. Those tend to be mythical figures of greatness more than anything else because of the bias that history affords them. Their status is relative to the narrator and therefore lacks in authenticity more often than not. The heroes that matter are the ones that bring value systems to life. The ones that are authentic to their stated principles and engage sincerely whether they meet a pauper or a prince. Those heroes I have yet to meet.

    Imagine a life where you have someone like that to turn to for advice and guidance. Someone that gently prompts you in the right direction when you err, or sets you out on the right footing so that you err less. Imagine being able to speak your mind or ramble about your dreams, and such rambling is met with a fond embrace and assurance that anything is possible, rather than a cynical slap in the teeth to wake you from your daydreams to smell the coffee. Imagine how beautifully sheltered you would be then?

    That is why hero worship diminishes our own capacity for greatness. Heroes are figments of our imagination. We turn ordinary beings into creations that are larger than life, not because they wanted it, but because our fickleness needs it. Well, sometimes they want it. In fact, most of us desire it because we see how heroes are celebrated for just being humane or acting with conviction. You’d think that would be the norm, but alas it is not, and the sarcasm dripping from my mouth right now makes it difficult to continue this train of thought.

    But that’s what heroes and hero worship is. It’s an indulgence in our own fantasies because we’re raised with fairy tales and tooth fairies. Yet, despite this reality, the gravity of life far outweighs the gravity of earth, and in so doing, we all yearn for such celebration because it would allow us to experience a manufactured reality that is beyond the grasp of the average being. Then again, isn’t all reality manufactured?

    Be a hero, or create one from nothing, the awkward truth remains. It is only the unpleasant appeal that life holds for us in general that lends credence to fairy tales and heroes because without them, the raw reality of our existence is too much for the fickle masses to bear. Unethical leaders recognise weakness well, which is why they play into these fears and create heroes out of medication, distractions, and trinkets by convincing us that without it we simply would not be able to survive.

    [end cynical rant]

  • The Heroes We Want To Be

    What if I told you I had cancer? Would I suddenly appear bolder and braver than those without it? Or perhaps I lost a loved one, or suffered a traumatic event? Would that suddenly make me easier to understand or relate to? Why is it that we find ourselves compassionate only to those whose troubles we know, but assume that all others are privileged and therefore not in need of our consideration unless earned? It’s exactly this morbidity that drives the mentality of hero worship. We only perceive others as heroes if they have triumphed over a struggle that weighs us down, or achieved a goal against odds similar to our own.

    I can’t recall who said it, but they said it well when they suggested that:

    Each time we create a hero we diminish our own capacity for greatness.

    When we create heroes we create limits. The naïve optimist may see it as setting an aspirational goal, but the realist knows that it sets a limit to what we wish to achieve. It therefore defies logic and reason that one would go through life with the goal of being someone’s hero. There are two critical shortcomings in such an objective. With the first having been explained above, the second is more troubling though because it suggests that the one seeking such a status is shaping their life around the expectations of another.

    I vehemently oppose the belief that we should live our lives with the intention of fulfilling another’s expectations of us. The one that appears to be heroic in such an endeavour is in fact a martyr. Not all martyrs are worthy of celebration. Those that act impulsively out of conviction rather than a consideration for the consequential fame and admiration they may earn are of honourable, maybe even of noble intent. Those that act while consciously aware of the potential fame and good fortune that may follow are attention-seekers and should be spurned. They are the ones that will behave unethically and will lose their moral compass the moment their intended audience is not around to witness their foul ways.

    We are driven more by our ego than we are by sincerity of intent. Those that deny this fact are in fact in denial. So when we set out to be the hero of those around us, be they our significant others, or people whose respect and admiration we court, we must not fool ourselves into believing that such an endeavour is a noble one. Although the benefits may be so, the intent is very firmly grounded in our need for significance, or our need to allay the guilt of those actions that undermine the integrity of the relationship we proclaimed to have had with the one we now wish to serve. Simply stated, when we feel a need to compensate for past failures or betrayals, we willingly sacrifice our rights and liberties in order to repay our debts for previously abusing the rights of others. And to the casual observer, we may appear heroic in the process.

    I think every one of us harbours a desire to be celebrated. The greater the self-loathing, the greater the need for that affirmation and validation. Those that court such attention are often the most troubled. Those that don’t, seek fulfilment of a more substantial kind. But that is the musings of another post altogether. All this keeps nagging at me with one final realisation that many don’t grasp. The difference between rights and expectations. Some will read this and find reason to abdicate their responsibility towards others under the false notion that they refuse to live according to the expectations of others, when in fact the truth is closer to them searching for any reason to abdicate responsibility. Period.