The delusion of godliness diminishes our capacity to connect with the divine. When we assume ourselves to be above those that behave worse than us, or we assume that we hold within us the capacity and means to punish others, or withhold their reward, be it in this world, or the hereafter, we assume to hold divinity within us. This is even more detrimental when we impose punishment or apportion reward to ourselves. Understanding is grounded in compassion, and there is nothing closer to divinity than compassion and mercy. Consider this the next time you view yourself or others with harshness.
Blog
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In search of home
Gratitude lays the foundation of the home.
Respect builds its walls.
Love and compassion provides the roof that protects you from the storm.
And passion gives you the windows to allow your soul to breathe.
As for faith…faith is the door that opens the path to all of it.
Virtues have limited effect or value if practiced in isolation. It sometimes has a detrimental effect when one is practiced in excess compared to the others. Balance, as always, is what leads to harmony, and harmony is the throne on which peace resides.
Find your balance. Find your peace.
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Insomnia, Anxiety, Mental Clutter – Be gone
Here’s a technique that I developed many years ago when insomnia was a friend of mine. I’ve since found it to be very effective for not just insomnia, but also for anxiety, mental clutter, or just overall peace of mind. When you feel anxious or frustrated, or if you’re struggling to focus, try this out and let me know how it works for you.
This technique is discussed in more detail in my book titled Own Your Sh!t.

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You give what you have
I’ve had many interesting discussions with my kids about this topic recently. If they are dishonest about something, I make them aware of the fact that they will only find reason to be honest with others if they find it unacceptable to be dishonest with themselves. What we tolerate by ourselves towards ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others. Nothing more. Nothing less. The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you. It was never about you. It’s always about reflecting who they are. You were just the outlet that they felt safe enough to vent on.
You cannot give what you don’t have. If you lack self respect, you won’t be able to respect others. If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others. If you consistently feed yourself untruths about yourself or your behaviour, you will not trust the sincerity of others. And so it continues. The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world. The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be. So, the next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by others. Judgement is a reflection of who we are, while understanding is a reflection of the purpose we wish to serve.
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New spaces
My daughter has been nesting more than usual recently. And she’s been bullying me for my phone to take photos like these of her nesting efforts. These flowers from the garden are surprisingly cheerful. They look beautiful in the garden, but they really pop in the house. I guess it’s a reminder in a way that in our usual environment we blend in or appear ordinary, but explore new spaces and what we have to offer suddenly takes on a new richness. I think I’m in this space now…but grappling with the mechanics of figuring out how to insert myself into new spaces. It’s not the unfamiliarity that I find challenging, it’s simply access. Maintaining a low social profile makes it that much more difficult to break new ground when that new ground is intricately woven with other beings. Never a dull life…
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She got chills just hearing about the book
Watch this 30 second clip of how this lady responded to one of my readers describing the power of assumptions and the way it is covered in the book. Connecting to real people and helping them to rediscover the hope and joy in their lives is exactly what Own Your Shit is all about. It’s not a cynic’s view of the world. It’s honest, simple, and radically fresh insights into why you are who you are. Get your copy now on Amazon, Kindle, and other online retailers. Or from my website for South African readers. -

Why we need more idealists
I am an idealist. It attracts mockery, condescension, ridicule and any number of other derogatory and passive aggressive responses from people that want to appear a certain way. But I choose to be an idealist in spite of them. The alternate may be choosing to be a realist. However, experience has taught me that realists are focused on reacting to challenges and working with what they have. Seldom do they strive to create something larger than their current reality. That means they are effective at maintaining the status quo, not at improving the human condition beyond it’s current ideal state.
I could be a pragmatist. Insisting that only what is within my control is what I should assume to hold any influence or control over. Practical realities assume that we know everything about what it is that we’re faced with. We never do. Thus, pragmatists are a hindrance rather than a benefit.
The world is plagued with problems created by realists who demand that the only realistic view of the world is their view because they have tangible evidence to support their view. But, right there lies the problem. The tangible is what distracts us from the greatness that lies beyond it. When we focus on manipulating what we have into permutations of what we know, we lose sight of what more is possible.
I choose to be an idealist because it is our belief in the intangible possibility of being more than we are now that has always spurred us into action. Inspiration does not lie in what is known. What is known is quickly taken for granted because, well, it is known. It is obvious. It is commonly accepted for what it is. But look beyond the known, look at the possibility of creating a new reality out of the dysfunction that exists within the current reality and suddenly we re-frame what possibilities the world holds for us.
Not only do we see purpose beyond duty, but we see duty in being dreamers. Duty in believing that we are capable of more than what we have and who we are. But, we resign such thinking to material gains. To improving quality of life through comforts or accumulation of wealth, or occasionally through philanthropy. All that has its place, but it doesn’t alter the human condition, it only makes it more bearable.
I choose to apply my idealism to the state of the human condition. I choose to use it to inform my choices to see beyond the distractions of apparent evil, and instead to gain sight and understanding of the wounds that drive such evil. But this approach is an approach that is not favoured by many. It finds ridicule, and rejection, just like idealists do, because it rejects the right to vengeance and instead focuses on the need for understanding and correction.
Justice defined by victims will be justice entrenched in vengeance. Rarely do victims consider a reality beyond either vengeance or forgiveness. The entire landscape between those poles is ignored because in seeking to understand, it demands that we accept accountability for the effort needed to reach such understanding. It demands that we set aside our fury and our rage so that we can understand why we were just a convenient outlet for the filth or the abuse or the violence that someone else harboured within them. Provocation is only an acceptable excuse for retaliation in the case of self-defense. Beyond that, provocation is a demand for understanding and justice. Unfortunately, the one blinded by hate or anger is seeking retribution from anyone that resembles the source of their anger and hatred. At that moment, it doesn’t matter that the target is innocent, it only matters that within the mind of the aggressor, the target resembles or represents the threat that robbed them of their humanity at some point. Without seeking to understand this, we will create victims who will become survivors, but will not progress beyond that. That the aggressor must be punished for their aggression is a given. But even that in itself is not enough. That in itself will never fully realise the ideals of justice. For this reason, even when justice is served, many don’t feel the sense of peace that should accompany such justice.
As I stated many times before, survivors don’t enjoy the sweetness of life, they only enjoy the deferral of death. As long as we consider ourselves to be survivors, we remain defined by the event or experience that we survived. Thriving is impossible when we are rooted to a moment in the past. Letting go of that moment becomes difficult when we have yet to experience a sense of justice, or vengeance for what was done to us. For this reason, even those that forgive continue to hold on to the effects of that experience, but through forgiveness have only given up the desire for direct retribution. Often, such retribution is entrusted to a higher power that prevails beyond the realities of this world as we experience it.
There are no easy answers for idealists. But there are simple ones for realists, and pragmatists, because they see things in obvious tones, and absolutes. Anything beyond that is considered an indulgence of ideals that have no value. And perhaps there are moments when this may be true. When urgency demands that ideals be suspended and practical realities take precedence. But, what is the result when such an approach becomes the norm? What happens when the value of that immediacy of response underpins the belief that it is the only value that is achievable? Is that when we set aside humanity in favour of perceived justice? Is that when retribution replaces justice, and balance or harmony is replaced by perceived rights?
I am an idealist because I believe, with conviction, that we are capable of better than who we are today, or who we have been over the generations that passed. I am an idealist because I recognise the value of the principles that spurred on our predecessors that we now idolise, or at times follow blindly, but I do not follow blindly. I choose to reinterpret their principles within the context of my life, because I understand, without doubt, that if something is not growing, it is dying. This is also true for the human condition. As long as we stagnate in our growth by holding on to beliefs from a distant past without appreciating the value of the principles that underpinned those beliefs, our condition begins to wither away. And as it is with all withering, the resultant decomposition of values will reveal the worst of us, because we chose to stop pursuing the ideal of being the best of us.
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#MenAreTrash #NotAllMen #AmINext
This is for the men out there. The ones who need to consider what they have become when they find it excusable to strike a woman, or worse, to violate her, or kill her. And for those that may not have been raised by a loving or caring mother, because we know they exist as well, do you really want to be like the monster that raised you? Be better. Own Your Shit and stop finding reasons to blame society for your despicable behaviour.
No, we are not all trash. But there is trash amongst us. Those of us that see and don’t speak or act against that trash are trash as well. But we are not all trash. You don’t resolve a problem by painting everyone with the same brush. You resolve it by supporting those that are trying to correct the wrongs and the toxic ones of their own kind. When you demonise the good for the actions of the bad, you feed the cycle of toxicity and abuse that you’re fighting against. Now is not a time to stereotype and generalise. That’s how we end up with polarised positions and the xenophobic insanity that we have in this world at present. Now is a time to be clear and decisive against what is intolerable, and supportive of others that find it equally intolerable.
You can start by objecting to posts that objectify women, or that create comedy out of women being treated badly, or men that refer to women using derogatory terms because it makes them feel macho. Start by calling out those that think it’s OK to undermine the dignity of women, or who blame women for the choices that they’ve made. Start by objecting to what is intolerable, and perhaps we’ll find a path that will allow the human behind the trash to emerge.
Bad behaviour only gathers momentum in a system that encourages and supports it. A system is useless if it doesn’t get the support needed to nurture it. These systems of abuse and vile behaviour are spawned by cultures steeped in misogyny and inequality. If you defend such cultures out of loyalty, you are trash as well. And it’s time to call it what it is. The next time you decide to raise your hand for a woman, or you decide to take what you think is yours to take without permission or kindness, I dare you to look into the eyes of the one you’re abusing, not at their face that is distorted in pain so that you can see your own pain. Not at their writhing body that is trying to break free of your hold because it reminds you of the cruel hold that others have over you. And definitely not at their weakness because it reminds you of your weakness that you’re trying to deny. Look in their eyes and see the same human need for protection and kindness that you think was denied to you and consider that you have just become part of the problem that robbed you of your humanity.
Be better. Own Your Shit! If you don’t own it, it will own you…be someone that the younger you would be proud of, not someone that the younger you would be afraid of. :'(P. S. Sadly, from personal experience, I know that this applies to both men and women. There is trash on both sides of the gender divide.









