Category: Uncategorized

  • In the absence of affirmation or constructive criticism, it’s extremely difficult to maintain my bearings on whether I’m heading in the right direction or not. I’m inclined to believe that despite my best efforts, I simply do not fit in with the Muslim community. This despite the fact that I am a regular musallee and those salaah that I miss in congregation I perform in the privacy of my home. I pay my zakaah, but in private of course. I fast during Ramadaan and occasionally on days recommended by the Sunnah throughout the year, but I don’t advertise it to others when I do. I have tried to obtain my visa for Hajj twice now, but both attempts being unsuccessful because of quota restrictions from the Saudi government. And most importantly, I have no doubt that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammed (SAW) is the last and final prophet and messenger of Allah.

    Yet none of this is sufficient to provide me with any level of peace or fulfillment in my engagements with the broader Muslim community. The lack of conviction to principles, the kowtowing to elitist social circles, the embellishment of kufr to make it acceptable, the condescension and rhetoric from the pulpits, the detachment of the scholars from the communities, the excess in lifestyles, not just materialistically, but also ritualistically, the condoning of suicide bombings and attacks on unarmed women and children, and so much more that just doesn’t seem to fit in with the value system that I see Islam teaching us. 

    We’re living the signs of the hour, yet we’re still looking outwardly to judge others for their contribution to these signs? I need to find the middle path in all this…Ya Allah, please guide me to the path of moderation and sincerity in all this. Please save me from myself, and save me from the allures of social acceptance when that acceptance demands insincerity and hypocrisy. 

  • I seem to be reaching out into a void that thrusts hoards of doubt into my heart about what I feel or believe to be important or real about my faith. Naively, I believe that there’s others out there that think it worthwhile to consider principles instead of rituals. Some that may be inclined to question the status quo through the realisation that just because everyone subscribes to a specific version of Islam doesn’t make that authoritative. Especially when the blurring of the lines between cultural practices and the Sunnah is such that the two cannot be clearly distinguished any longer. 

    I’ve always been an outsider. Despite knowing that accepting the mainstream views about most things would bring me the acceptance that I crave, my idealism won’t allow me to. So I’ve chosen a solitary path that forces me to dabble between sanity, and insanity. Sincerity and hypocrisy. Faith and disbelief. And every single time, as if addicted to the pain of isolation, I’ve consciously chosen the more difficult path. The unpopular one. The one that most shy away from because they’re afraid to question self-proclaimed authoritarians and would much rather be safe and go with the flow without questioning. 

    I’ve tried many forums to share my views or express my thoughts, and each time the only commonality in response has been the vacuous silence that offers no comfort nor alternative views. Just a silent restrained complacency that boils my blood in search of the truth. When I see how blindly so many accept the statements of the Ulama, it reminds me of the Christian church that forbids any questions to be asked about their belief system and threatens to excommunicate anyone that dares ask for logic behind the Trinity, or the second coming, or the miraculous birth of Jesus (pbuh). 

    Is this what we have become as Muslims? Ritualists without purpose except that purpose that the learned ones allow us to have? Have we forgotten how to seek the original truth rather than pursue the regurgitated truth of generations of cultural contamination? Or am I a borderline infidel that believes that principles are more important than practices and that context is more important than unquestioned imitation?

  • I desire this peace…

  • I Still Hear Her Heartbeat

    The realism of my dream tonight still haunts me. It wasn’t a bad dream, nor was it a sad one. But the reality that I woke up to is. I heard the gentle ticking of her heartbeat so vividly again. It’s a sound that I haven’t heard in a very long time. 

    It was a love story that we both seemed oblivious to when we had it. We were young, high strung, passionate, but stubborn. But there was so much about her that I loved. She had a poise that was naturally elegant, a smile that still warms me, the most beautifully soft hair, and a voice I would kill for to hear again. She lost her voice during one of the many operations she had for a heart condition that she was born with. But when her voice returned, it was with a husky tone that sent tingles through me each time we talked. I can’t remember if I told her that or not.

    We’d sit in the same room at opposite ends, and with others in the room I was still able to hear the ticking sound of the valve that was inserted into her heart when she was just 14. It wasn’t a clock-like tick. It had a soft resonance to it that made it oddly familiar but unique. I was so attuned to it that I could tell the thickness of her blood just by listening to the sound of it. She needed to take medication to control her blood thickness levels so that the valve could function optimally.

    And tonight, after almost a decade, she leaned into me again, rested her head on my chest, and just surrendered the full weight of her timid body into me. And that’s when I heard it. That beautiful ticking sound confirming every passionate beat of her heart. I still hear it. But it saddens me now. The tears burn. Sting. Because the reality that I woke up to is that she is gone. She has been gone for about 10 years now, and the hollowness that I felt when she died still overwhelms me now. 

    We fought a lot. We treated each other badly at times. We loved each other ferociously all the time. And without realising it, we made our peace with each other a few days before she died. It’s only after she died that I understood the sadness I saw in her eyes a few days before. I haven’t thought about her, nor dreamed about her in a while. But now it feels like I just lost her again. 

    I miss her.

  • Moon and Star (Part II)

    The following email exchange occurred between me and the Jamiatul Ulama of South Africa (KZN) in July/August 2010. This still leaves a bitter after taste because of the blatant double standards and evasiveness of their response. I’ve omitted real names of both the scholar that responded on their behalf as well as my own in order to avoid any unnecessary personal attacks regarding this post. Any thoughts on this will be most appreciated given how much this issue plagues me right now.

    At the time, there was a massive drive by Ulama across numerous organisations in South Africa to speak out against the wearing of the soccer tops by Muslims because the emblems of some of the countries contained crucifixes. I therefore raised the following concerns with the Jamiat.

    Me: I noticed the raging debates on the mosque boards and now on the CII site about the inappropriateness of the soccer tops, mainly due to the kufr signs that are displayed on them. Whilst I fully agree with the views expressed about the inappropriateness of the symbols emblazoned on these soccer tops, I’m particularly incensed by the statements about how this proves to be an insult to Allah’s majesty…the reason I’m incensed, and this is where I need to hear your views, is that there is such an uproar about these symbols that are entirely voluntarily worn or supported (apart from the irresponsible encouragement by some so-called leaders of the community), yet the symbols that are forced on the Ummah by being placed atop masaajid and numerous publications, garments, adornments, etc. are never challenged…and in fact, when it was challenged, I was told that as long as it doesn’t affect your Imaan, it’s acceptable because it’s simply an adornment! Isn’t this view blatant double standards, if not hypocrisy? (Whilst this may be an unfair generalisation, the adoption of this symbol across the vast majority of masaajid throughout the world, let alone South Africa, attests to the fact that it is widely accepted as appropriate).

    At least the crosses on the soccer tops are not purporting to be something other than symbols derived from the Christian faith, whereas the crescent and star have been ferociously adopted by so many Muslims throughout the world as a symbol of Islam, yet there isn’t a single shred of evidence that suggests it was ever hinted at, let alone used during the time of Rasulullah (SAW) or even many generations thereafter! So why is it that our Ulama and other leaders of the Muslim community are so incensed about this matter of the jerseys that are really an individual choice (albeit a misguided one), when they happily lead the salaah to worship none other than Allah Whose Majesty is now being insulted (according to the precedent set by their statements) by these soccer crosses, yet they’re standing directly below, in front of, behind and even on top of the crescent and star symbols which are steeped in pagan and Christian worship? 

    Please, explain this to me so that I can correct my views if I’m really missing the point here. I’m not for one second suggesting that the soccer tops with the questionable symbols should be condoned. But I’m finding it difficult to reconcile the effort and outrage about these soccer tops when compared to the complacency and open acceptance and support for the use of the kuffaar symbols of the crescent and star as being symbolic of Islam?

    Please view the links below for supporting evidence from various sources on the origins of the crescent and star symbols within the context of Islam:

    http://www.cyberistan.org/islamic/crescent1.htm

    “Incidentally, the ‘Golden Age of Islam’ that we all reminisce so passionately about came to a close about the mid-15th century with the fall of Spain and the invasion of the Mongols. This was about the same time that ‘the star and crescent’ started to be hoisted up as the banner or representation of Muslims. We’ve never been able to regain that greatness again. Coincidence? “

    http://islam.about.com/od/history/a/crescent_moon.htm

    “The crescent moon and star symbol actually pre-dates Islam by several thousand years. Information on the origins of the symbol are difficult to ascertain, but most sources agree that these ancient celestial symbols were in use by the peoples of Central Asia and Siberia in their worship of sun, moon, and sky gods. There are also reports that the crescent moon and star were used to represent the Carthaginian goddess Tanit or the Greek goddess Diana.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_and_crescent

    “The truth is that the crescent was not identified with Islam until after the appearance of the Osmanli Turks, whilst on the other hand there is the clearest evidence that in the time of the Crusades, and long before, the crescent and star were a regular badge of Byzantium and the Byzantine Emperors, some of whom placed it on their coins.”

    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544398

    The American Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Estes, Director of islamtomorrow.com, and National Chaplain WAMY, adds: 

    “The symbol of Islam IS NOT the crescent moon and the star, but it was used by the last Islamic Dynasty, the Ottoman’s. The Ottoman Empire deemed it appropriate to use the star and crescent as their symbols, but not the symbols of Islam. I repeat, the star and the crescent moon are not a part of the religion of Islam. Because Islam is so strict on the concept of no other gods with Allah; and no images of any kind; it is a mistake to consider that Islam authorized the general use of such things. Additionally, Islam forbids the images (statues) of any kinds of humans, animals or any of Allah’s creations, so how about using a symbol for Islam?” 

    Me: (6 weeks later) May I please get a response to this email of mine. I would appreciate a clear response indicating the position of the Ulama on the use of the crescent and star symbols in Islam relative to the evidence I’ve provided below regarding the origins of these symbols. 

    Jamiat: We apologise for the overdue response. This was due to relocating at our new premises…

    Likewise, we have not found any evidence in the Qur’an and Hadith linking the Crescent and Star symbol to Islam. It is not part of Islam in any way. With regards to speaking out against it, we feel it best that people be gradually educated about it  to avoid contention. 

    Nevertheless, your input is much appreciated.

    Me: Jazakallah for your response. Would you be so kind as to clarify why such a vastly different approach is being adopted by the Jamiat on this matter? The approach on the issue relating to symbolism on the soccer tops was considerably more vociferous and at times blatantly contentious with open public debates on various radio stations, including posters in the Masaajid and discussions from the mimbar. So it’s somewhat confusing to note the comment ‘we feel it best that people be gradually educated about it to avoid contention’ for an issue that is excessively ingrained as a blatant bid’ah in the Ummah across the globe and not just limited to the South African community either. Surely something this serious and this prevalent requires an even firmer and deliberate approach than a gradual educational process?

    Jamiat: We do not consider it to be a Bid’ah for it is not considered as part of Deen itself. If a Muslim does not attach the symbol of the crescent and moon on his house, a Musallah or even a Musjid, it is not frowned upon nor does anyone consider it to be a sin if it is omitted. Thus, we feel that other matters of greater concern should be dealt with on the level of higher priority.

    Me: Jazakallah for taking the time to clarify your position. I appreciate your views on the status of the crescent and star not being a bid’ah, but I would still like clarification on the point I highlighted below. Please note that my original concern raised is about the imbalance in approach between the symbolism on the soccer tops versus this matter. The symbolism is similar, but the impact of the current use of the crescent and star so much more widespread and detrimental than the use of the symbols on the soccer tops especially given the specific origins of the use of the crescent and star in Islam, namely directly linked to paganism and/or Christianity.

    The approach on the issue relating to symbolism on the soccer tops was considerably more vociferous and at times blatantly contentious with open public debates on various radio stations, including posters in the Masaajid and discussions from the mimbar. So it’s somewhat confusing to note the comment ‘we feel it best that people be gradually educated about it to avoid contention‘…

    Apologies if it appears that I am labouring this point, because that is not my intention at all. I’m really just struggling to understand why something with such sinister origins is being treated so lightly after being well entrenched into Islamic culture so much so that it has become the default symbol to represent Islam. To my limited knowledge, Nabi (SAW) at one point prevented the Muslims from wearing specific items of clothing so as not to imitate the non-Muslims at the time, so how much more significant is this symbol that represents more than just a custom of the pagans or Christians?

    *P.S. To date I have received no further responses and numerous masaajid have since been opened in South Africa with many of them being adorned with the moon and star symbols or variations thereof. The Jamiat has yet to issue any public statement on this and have as yet (to my knowledge) not followed through on any educational process to inform the Muslims of South Africa about the harms of this practice. 

    Am I really making a mountain out of a molehill, or is there merit to my concerns?

  • What is normal?

    Look around you…who do you notice? The normal people or the ones that stand out? Do you notice the eccentric characters, the passionately inspiring ones, or the ones that just go with the flow? 

    The ones that go with the flow are normal. 90% of the world population is normal. 5% are struggling with the urges to resist it. And 5% are true to themselves. That last 5% are the ones that make a difference. They’re the ones that inspire not because they want to, or because they try to, but simply because they have the courage to be themselves. The 90% sit and admire and aspire and desire to be like them. 

    That other 5% can’t decide which way they want to swing on this. Still want to be normal? Don’t. Normal is boring. Normal is predictable. Normal is dull. Normal is insincere and cowardly. Normal sucks. 

    Be yourself. That’s the greatest thing you’ll ever be able to achieve, because in this world of conformity, it’s almost impossible to know who you are unless you dig really deep. So dig…and don’t stop until you find yourself. If nothing else, let that be the purpose of your life. 

  • leftoftheleft:

    “It is often forgotten that the United States only became a full-fledged democracy in 1964 with the passage of the Voting Rights Act. Only then was citizenship extended to African Americans”

    We’re so easily distracted by Hollywood, McDonalds, and all the other consumeristic charms (is that even a word?), that these simple facts are easily forgotten. Yet America presents itself to the world as a mature democracy, when in fact it’s being proven to be nothing more than a corporatocracy instead (is THAT even a word?). Viva OWC! 🙂

  • I always admire those that chose Islam later in life more than those that were born with it, not because I’m ungrateful for the blessing that Allah has bestowed on me by raising me in a Muslim home, but because there’s a wisdom and a value in making a conscious choice that I may never realise.

    To me, being born in a Muslim home was like receiving the gift of Islam. And like most gifts that are treasured, they’re seldom questioned, or appreciated for more than just being gifts. So the inherent value of the gift often escapes most of us. Islam is more a blessing than it is a gift. And blessings, to be appreciated, has to be understood and valued based on the realisation of what life would be like without such a blessing.

    Someone that was previously employed and now has no work to earn a living can relate to this. That job when it was available, no matter how tedious or trying, was a blessing. But the realisation of how much a blessing it was only dawns when it is no longer there.

    I think it’s the same with Islam. When we’ve had it with us all of our lives, it’s easy to take it for granted. And given how insular the Muslim community has become, it’s nearly impossible to witness the gravity of this blessing unless we venture outside our communities and engage with those that are godless. Witness the lack of purpose, the hopelessness, the depression and the destitution of a life without meaning, and then realising the true beauty and blessing of the gift of Islam becomes a tangible reality rather than a just a gift that we received but didn’t earn.