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  • (Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/julianomiddlenameevans/4812395403/)

  • (Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/julianomiddlenameevans/4812395403/)

  • crookedindifference:

    The 1 Percent

    (Source: http://frodesignstore.blogspot.com/2011/10/one-percent_6609.html)

  • What's your real name? How old are you? Are you a girl or a boy?

    Erm, how about you first come off anon, and then get personal! 🙂 What does any of that matter anyway? Whether I’m young or old, boy or girl, what difference does it make to the views I present? You either relate or not, appreciate or not…the source shouldn’t matter, should it?

  • Do you ever look at yourself?

    Do you ever look at yourself endearingly? At least long enough until you realise that you need to dismiss your thoughts because it sets fire to a desire to want to be consumed, physically and emotionally…but more physically? Ever look at yourself endearingly and wish that someone would see you through your own eyes, instead of theirs? Do you ever wish that someone would want you to give them what you so much yearn to give of yourself? Do you sometimes block out the noise, let go of the inhibitions, close your eyes and see yourself as beautiful? 

    Or is narcissism a prerequisite for such acceptance of self? I sometimes focus so much on trying to understand or appreciate how others see me, that I fail to notice myself. I look at myself so often through the eyes of others that I eventually find myself looking at myself through the same jaundiced view that is tainted with their broken dreams. I make myself the victim of their disappointments simply because I allow myself to be viewed with the defensive cynicism that life has taught them. 

    This is how I lost myself to the world, and now I wait to be found because my insecurity won’t allow me to believe in me unless another tainted soul believes in me first. 

  • Census

    forgetlings:

    All these years I thought you were alone, but now,
    laid open, it is clear two lost stars are burning into you.

    One keeps distant memories, art and travel, intimacy
    echoed in a longing no longer yours to claim.

    The other is your nature in your time. Its heart is carnal,
    quick, uneasy, its need to love and fear in drowning waves,

    and that silence you have carried like a dead limb all your life.

    This reminds me of her…indeed the fear not to express the truth that lurks beneath is heavier than a dead limb…it must be…I can’t think of anything else that would drag someone so low that they would oppose every principle and every stated aspiration that they hold dear without reason or apparent motivation. Silence is far greater a destroyer of souls than any harsh words that could be uttered. 

  • Will I Ever Learn?

    The only lesson that I keep learning from relationships is that the utterances of endearing affection at the peak of the relationship should always be taken with a pinch of salt, but that rare moment of appreciation feels so good that I forget quite quickly how many times before it was the start of that painful trend.

    The trend seems to go like this…

    1. They relate to something I post
    2. Express curiosity about my views on their current emotional state
    3. Amazement at how much I get them, or relate to the space they’re in
    4. Outpouring of emotions regarding past hurts and betrayals
    5. Spirited exchange of sharp wit and adorable indulgences of philosophies on life and people
    6. Some feigned curiosity about me
    7. Realisation of how vulnerable they are given the information they’ve shared over such a short period of time
    8. Defensiveness at every observation or comment I share from that point, despite it being previously devoured but is suddenly distasteful
    9. Desperate attempt to re-establish their defenses
    10. Venomous attack on how insensitive I am about the space they’re in and how I don’t understand them at all or how I need to get an education
    11. Cut ties without explanation and a healthy dose of grossly inaccurate assumptions about me

    And so the trends persist…it’s an emotionally expensive way to live life. Caring about people in whose lives I have no vested interest, nor do they in mine. I try to convince myself that I’m jaded, but I know it’s all an insincere lie in an attempt to convince me to be a cold detached prick that sees weakness as a pathetic state, rather than a desperately human one. But I know how desperately human I am, that’s why I’ll always be dumb enough to extend myself to those that forget what beauty they hold within.

    I’ve fallen in love with the human spirit. Pity it hasn’t fallen in love with me.

  • ramblings of the mind III.

    justkeepbreathingnow:

    “will justice ever come?” she said

    “I think not, my dear;

    for truth and lies be your demise

    and liars be your fear.”

    forevereyes stare back at mine

    and gleam a rainy gold

    the end of days at edges frays

    as somehow, we grow old.