destined to die undiscovered
Blog
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For those that keep getting it wrong, here’s a simple reminder. This world is as we’ve made it, not as it was made. We’ve abused our power of choice, and have since declared ourselves victim to it, instead of facing up to the fact that we screwed it up to begin with. Inaction in the face of adversity is complicity. Stop being a complicit victim.
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Yeah, where is all this hate and stuff in the Qur’an? I certainly can’t find any in my copies.
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In the absence of affirmation or constructive criticism, it’s extremely difficult to maintain my bearings on whether I’m heading in the right direction or not. I’m inclined to believe that despite my best efforts, I simply do not fit in with the Muslim community. This despite the fact that I am a regular musallee and those salaah that I miss in congregation I perform in the privacy of my home. I pay my zakaah, but in private of course. I fast during Ramadaan and occasionally on days recommended by the Sunnah throughout the year, but I don’t advertise it to others when I do. I have tried to obtain my visa for Hajj twice now, but both attempts being unsuccessful because of quota restrictions from the Saudi government. And most importantly, I have no doubt that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammed (SAW) is the last and final prophet and messenger of Allah.
Yet none of this is sufficient to provide me with any level of peace or fulfillment in my engagements with the broader Muslim community. The lack of conviction to principles, the kowtowing to elitist social circles, the embellishment of kufr to make it acceptable, the condescension and rhetoric from the pulpits, the detachment of the scholars from the communities, the excess in lifestyles, not just materialistically, but also ritualistically, the condoning of suicide bombings and attacks on unarmed women and children, and so much more that just doesn’t seem to fit in with the value system that I see Islam teaching us.
We’re living the signs of the hour, yet we’re still looking outwardly to judge others for their contribution to these signs? I need to find the middle path in all this…Ya Allah, please guide me to the path of moderation and sincerity in all this. Please save me from myself, and save me from the allures of social acceptance when that acceptance demands insincerity and hypocrisy.
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I seem to be reaching out into a void that thrusts hoards of doubt into my heart about what I feel or believe to be important or real about my faith. Naively, I believe that there’s others out there that think it worthwhile to consider principles instead of rituals. Some that may be inclined to question the status quo through the realisation that just because everyone subscribes to a specific version of Islam doesn’t make that authoritative. Especially when the blurring of the lines between cultural practices and the Sunnah is such that the two cannot be clearly distinguished any longer.
I’ve always been an outsider. Despite knowing that accepting the mainstream views about most things would bring me the acceptance that I crave, my idealism won’t allow me to. So I’ve chosen a solitary path that forces me to dabble between sanity, and insanity. Sincerity and hypocrisy. Faith and disbelief. And every single time, as if addicted to the pain of isolation, I’ve consciously chosen the more difficult path. The unpopular one. The one that most shy away from because they’re afraid to question self-proclaimed authoritarians and would much rather be safe and go with the flow without questioning.
I’ve tried many forums to share my views or express my thoughts, and each time the only commonality in response has been the vacuous silence that offers no comfort nor alternative views. Just a silent restrained complacency that boils my blood in search of the truth. When I see how blindly so many accept the statements of the Ulama, it reminds me of the Christian church that forbids any questions to be asked about their belief system and threatens to excommunicate anyone that dares ask for logic behind the Trinity, or the second coming, or the miraculous birth of Jesus (pbuh).
Is this what we have become as Muslims? Ritualists without purpose except that purpose that the learned ones allow us to have? Have we forgotten how to seek the original truth rather than pursue the regurgitated truth of generations of cultural contamination? Or am I a borderline infidel that believes that principles are more important than practices and that context is more important than unquestioned imitation?
