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  • The Great Olympic Pissing Contest

    Seems a hiatus is called for again, because the Olympic spam is fast becoming a major annoyance. We assign such significance to these events that we fail to see the simple truth behind it all. Like the FIFA Soccer World Cup, and other similar sporting events hosted on a global stage, it’s nothing but capitalistic ventures cloaked in good old fashioned values of sportsmanship and supposed goodwill.

    Look behind the scenes, as with the current Olympics as well, and you’ll see how many ordinary people and businesses are forcefully marginalised and actively excluded simply because they don’t have as much money to pay for the advertising rights of such events. So what started out as a universal celebration of camaraderie and sportsmanship has turned into a pissing contest, and nothing more. 

    So forgive me if I don’t exactly celebrate the inclusion of marginalised groups and countries in a spectacle that holds no honour or respect any longer. The innocence of the world has been defiled a long time ago.  

  • Islamic Wisdom and the Afternoon Nap

    psych-facts:

    Earlier research has found that dreams boost learning, with one study suggesting a 90-minute nap may help lock in long-term memories. But Walker’s research, published this week in the journal Current Biology, finds that another phase of sleep, called nonrapid eye movement (NREM) is most closely linked to the learning boost provided by a nap.

    Walker and his colleagues recruited 44 volunteers — 27 women and 17 men — to come to the sleep lab at noon. First, the volunteers were given a task in which they had to memorize 100 names and faces. Then they were tested for how well they recalled the face-name matches.

    Next, the researchers tucked half of the volunteers in for a nap between 2 p.m. and 3:40 p.m. The scientists measured the napping volunteers’ brain waves as they slept. The other group of participants stayed awake and did daily activities as they normally would. At 6 p.m., both groups memorized another set of 100 faces and names and were tested on their memory. (The experiment was set up so nappers had more than an hour to shake off any remaining fuzziness before the test, Walker said.)

    The first major finding, Walker said, was that learning ability degrades as the day wears on. Volunteers who didn’t nap did about 12 percent worse on the evening test than they did on the morning test. (Walker presented preliminary findings of this effect at a conference in February 2010.) But shut-eye not only reversed those effects, it provided a memory boost: Napping test-takers did about 10 percent better on the evening test than they did on the morning test. In all, the difference in scores between nappers and non-nappers was about 20 percent, Walker said.

    Secondly, the brain-wave monitoring turned up a likely culprit for the memory upgrade: a short, synchronized burst of electrical activity called a sleep spindle. These sleep spindles last about one second and can occur 1,000 times per night during NREM sleep. People who had more of these spindles, especially people who had more over a frontal area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, showed the most refreshment in learning capacity after their nap, Walker said.

    I love it when modern day research confirms the benefits of age old practices. Muslims have known, but mostly abandoned, the practice of sleeping after the midday prayer, even though it is an established tradition of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh). Also, because of the ignorance of this in Western culture, most modern day offices don’t allow for such a practice to be maintained. The productivity gains and efficiency benefits could easily outweigh the cost of a 30 – 45 minute downtime in the middle of the day. 

    (Source: http://neurolove.me)

  • Another Anon but same OCD…

    I have to wash my hands sticf´tfully and sometime more than two times and it injures my skin. If I take a shower I don’t really feel the need to be strict with my body but my hands always have to be clean. Or if I feel like something that touched my pubic area(awra) I feel like crazy washing that part. I just feel very impure and non of my deeds will be accepted. And yes I am wasting so much soap. I don’t know you said find the reason and I tried – part 2;

    Continued…SO I thought about my past and I found out that I was masturbating without knowing that it is wrong. When I got a guilty feeling after some time after doing such stuff I told my mom and she got mad at me. And since then it is a BIG NO NO for me. And since I did it with my hands they got kind of “ugly and impure”. I never touched my down there even if it was for cleaning purpose I would wear gloves and what not. But I try to learn that my body isn’t something impure. I am a teenager now and I got a boyfriend, I regret it and I didn’t have sex or anything I broke up befor but he was very sexually, like his jokes and stuff. And I didn’t have the power to say stop it. But one day I did and blaah. But now I felt like because of my loneliness that I have to masturbate. I did it without knowing. It just happened. And I got a feeling and I was WTH was that. And I just did it till one told me that you have to do ghusl. Soo.. this plus my OCD is freaking me out. I am loosing my self trust I start to question everything. Did you reallllyy wash that part, did you wash your mouth did you do it 3 times. And it is just exhausting. So I kind of got addicted to masturbating but I have to take ghusl after it but I can’t. Actually I do now since I know but it is like going through hell. Why do I have to masturbate? I have to think on sexual stuff all the time. I can’t controle it anymore. I just don’t want to do anything else than sex… it’s so embarrassing I don’t know what to do

    Assalaamu Alaykum,

    For starters, I would set the labels aside. OCD, although it may be a fairly good description of the behavioural tendencies you’re feeling about cleaning yourself, has such a huge stigma attached to it that without realising it, you end up trying to deal with the stigma more than you’re dealing with the actual problem. The real issue is what is driving you to feel so dirty or impure, and secondly, why the need to pleasure yourself as often as you do.

     

    I’m not going to go into the issue of labels again, because I think I’ve debated it ad nauseum recently, so having said all that, I think you need to start by accepting that the past is the past. Whatever you did then is done and cannot be undone. So rather than reminding yourself about past mistakes, limit yourself to referring to the past only to explain present behaviour, but not to undermine what good you may have achieved since then. And more importantly, accept that your duas for forgiveness have been accepted and trust in Allah’s mercy. Doubts around that are only encouraged by Shaytaan because that’s his way of convincing you to feel helpless which makes you do things to distract yourself from the guilt or persist in what you’re doing because you don’t see the point in stopping.

    The positive thread through all of this is that you appear to be genuinely concerned about changing the behaviour that is proving to be destructive for you, so that’s a good starting point. The problem with attaching negative labels to yourself is that it makes you feel inherently unworthy. In your case, that appears to be triggering a vicious cycle because you feel dirty, you try to clean, you touch yourself to clean and then get drawn into pleasuring yourself, which results in the guilt, which results in you trying to clean yourself excessively, which is leading to physical harm to your skin, etc. The cycle needs to be broken, but that’s always easier said than done.

    The sense I’m getting is that there is a low self-worth underlying both issues, i.e. the ‘OCD’ as well as the masturbation. If you’re feeling disgusted about yourself for whatever reason, it would stand to reason then that you would not be able to imagine yourself as being attractive to anyone else (or at least not anyone that you would want to find you attractive), so automatically that would lead you sub-consciously to want to ‘take care of yourself’ since it’s unlikely that anyone else will want to take care of you that way. However, you’re also committed to your moral obligations, which leads to the guilt associated with doing what you’re doing, so that just adds to the vicious cycle.

    To break it, I think you need to consider a dual approach. Firstly, you need to identify what are the ideal circumstances under which you are able to masturbate without fear of being caught. You’ll probably be able to find some helpful ideas and information here about ways to break the habit. In fact, read through some of the posts relating to masturbation on that site and you’ll realise that firstly, you’re not alone in this, and secondly, it is possible to break the cycle.

    The problems you’re facing with excessively cleaning or washing yourself needs to be dealt with slightly differently. You’re doubting whether or not you cleaned a certain part of your body already, which suggests that there is again a lack of confidence or self-worth, hence you doubting yourself so easily; and secondly, you need to establish a fixed routine about how you go about bathing, or making ghusl. What I mean is, if you fix a routine that says that you’ll start with your hair, then wash your face, then your ears, then your arms, etc. and you ensure that you follow exactly that routine every single time, you’ll have less reason to wonder whether you cleaned a certain part already or not. Another option is to not rinse the soap off any part until you’re completely done. That way, if it’s still soapy, you know you already cleaned it.

    Insha-Allah as it becomes habit/routine, the confidence will improve and the self-doubt will decline, which will allow you to assume a more flexible routine around cleansing yourself. If you want to discuss this in more detail, please email me directly. You’ll find my email address on my homepage. I hope this helps, and please don’t hesitate to discuss this further with me or my wife, if you’ll feel more comfortable going into more detail with her.

    Insha-Allah you’ll overcome this and realise that your shortcomings do not define who you are, how you deal with them is what determines your character and your self-worth.

  • Catharsis

    akhirah:

    SubhanAllah, I had a moment at the masjid today that hurt me, but the lesson from it was liberating.

    After tarawih I was speaking to a good friend & another acquaintance  of mine when another woman I know came and hugged both of my friends and turned away from me. I refrained from judging the situation too quickly, however the circumstance just stunk of the cliquish attitudes that people adopt. My face fell and I tried not to be offended that this woman was purposefully ignoring my existence yet standing in front of me talking to the people I was just speaking to. I continued to listen to the conversation and nodded my head, feeling a bit embarrassed and not sure why. Finally, I said salaams to all of them and left the masjid, wondering what I could have done to make this woman dislike me. As I pondered it over, it occurred to me that I was blaming myself for this possible error of judgment or this woman’s problem with me, when I was given no inclination as to how I could fix it. 

    It became clear to me that we can blame ourselves so much for how people treat us, but it can sometimes be people who exact the worst kind of revenge: the one where they don’t tell you what is wrong or why they have a problem with you. Then you live in ‘community x’ dealing with people ‘y’ who may consistently give you a negative attitude without ever speaking to you like a decent human being. This situation is juvenile and immature, but I’m afraid it’s all too common in our ummah. At the heart of it, it’s a lack of adab across the board that eats away at the potential we have to be a family, a big huge Muslim family. So many little issues amount to widespread negativity… 

    People afraid to say salaams to others, but stalking the hell out of their facebooks or twitters. 

    People standing shoulder to shoulder to Tarawih, but stepping on each other’s feet to get the free kulfi at the masjid dinner.

    People engaging in the culture/color wars over what country you’re from and what color you are.

    Or worst of all, entering a masjid full of unsmiling faces, just because they don’t know you personally. I feel hurt the most for the visitors who, looking for warmth & unity, find nothing but hostility or even worse: silence. 

    So what do you do?

    Do you sit around and become bitter? Do you accept that people hold grudges in their heart?

    No, you free yourself from it all.

    How?

    Be that person you’ve been looking for all this time. No matter what.

    -Smile at every single person you see & give them that beautiful salutation of As Salaamu Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

    -If someone doesn’t treat you right, show them how it’s done and treat them right. Ask Allah to correct their behavior and if the opportunity avails itself, remind them gently.

    -Look for someone to help and help them with a humble attitude and no expectation for anything in return.

    At the end of the day, you have the potential to promote positive change by leading by example. Take that opportunity and be good with reckless abandon, throwing your smiles at people and helping everyone without hesitation. If you’re already a beacon of light, keep it up my friend. If not, let yourself shine and follow the example of the most merciful human being to ever walk this Earth, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi was’sallam. 

    SubhanAllah, what a beautiful example. The prophet was a man who would treat everyone he met with such deep compassion and care that they would think that they were the most important person in the room when he, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam spoke to them. 

    His enemies became Muslim when they witnessed his beautiful akhlaaq and yet we, who call ourselves Muslim reject our own and lose each other in negativity. 

    Wherever you are, if you are reading this, plead sincerely with our Lord to fortify us as one and bless us with harmony, in the smallest as well as the largest of gatherings. 

    Finally, I’m soothed most by one thing in particular:

    no matter how badly someone may hurt you or reject your good will, it was never for them anyway.

    I wish I could say that I never experienced the above type of behaviour from Muslims as well. It’s a shame really. Vying for attention at the expense of our humility and sincerity.

  • A Terrorist’s Awkward Moment

  • A Young Girl Who Learns About Ramadaan

    islamic-quotes:

    A young non-Muslim who learns about Ramadan.

    (Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/20/ramadan-2012-islamic-fasting_n_1690410.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003)

  • Letter to Allah.

    blackaurora:

    Dear Allah,

      You know I love you.  I love you so much.  You’re the only source of hope and positivity in my life.  Allah, I have learned so much about islam and You and myself because of this incredible pain that you’ve laid on my shoulders to test me.  I used to feel angry at reading about how I’m supposed to be thankful for the tests you give me because I thought that they were too much.  But then I saw what You mean.  I saw how differently and how much more clearly I can see and appreciate my blessings after having gone through this agonizing pain.  And so yes, I am thankful for having gone through it and I am honored that you think highly enough of me to test me with this incredible burden.

    But Allah.. Please, take it away now.  I cannot handle this burden anymore.  I do not want to spend my days hoping to be able to cry because my agony is so deep that I can’t even do that anymore.  I don’t want my “good days” to be so empty anymore.

    I know, my Lord, that this life is temporary and fleeting and the End is what matters.  I also know that my pain is nothing compared to what millions of others go/have gone through.. nothing compared to the struggles of the blessed Prophets.  But I am weak, my Lord.  I promise, I will try to make you proud.  I know you know how hard I struggle with various things each day.  Of course you know, you are the All-Knowing one.  

    But Allah, I need your blessings now.  My Lord, I am honored to be a bearer of your tests but my strength is failing now.  Please lift the burdens before I break.  Please offer me some relief.  Please ease the agonies of my soul.  Please free me of my afflictions.  Please, Lord, grant me some comfort. 

    I ask for your forgiveness for being so weak.  And I hope that you will shower me with your Great Mercy, ya Ar-Rahman, even though I may not deserve it. 

    O one who loves me more than 70 mothers would, my Lord, dry my tears now.  Heal my soul.  Cure my illnesses.  Ease my bodily pains.  Ease my mental afflictions.  Ease the aching of my shredded heart.  Help me fill the holes inside.  Grant me comfort.  Because only You can.  Ameen.

  • At moments like this, I struggle to identify this ‘humanity’ that we talk about.

    Robbers drowned boy, 12, in boiling water