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  • Masjid-un-Nabawi, Madinah, Arabia.

    I scanned these photos from postcards that I bought in Madinah on my first trip for Umrah in 1999. It was a spiritually grounding experience. But it was also on this same trip that a taxi driver, whilst parked directly in front of the Haram, robbed me of almost all the cash I had on me by way of extortion. He withheld my camera after returning from a trip to Badr, and refused to hand it back to me until I paid him at least 3 or more times the agreed amount for the trip. He didn’t flinch, and I was overwhelmed to the point of tears as I walked back to my hotel room trying to make sense of what had just happened.

    This was my first trip abroad, which was always my dream; to travel to Makkah and Madinah on my first trip out of my country. Unfortunately, in Madinah, the experience was horribly tainted by this incident, and another incident in Raudul Jannah. I was performing salaatul-tasbeeh according to the Hanafi madhab at the time. After performing the second rakaah, I stood up to continue with the third when I was grabbed by my arms in the middle of my salaah and forced out of the masjid by the guards because they wanted to start cleaning that area, as was scheduled for 22h00 every evening. Such arrogance and crudeness eventually became the hallmark by which I recognised the authorities in Arabia for the duration of my stay, and my subsequent residence for a year a few years later. 

    While I was working on contract in 2002/3 in the Eastern Province of Arabia, I recall being pulled over on my way into Jubail city one day. At first I was greeted politely with a smile, which changed very quickly when the police officer realised that I wasn’t Arab. I was subjected to a full search inside and outside the vehicle, and was reprimanded for wearing the traditional Arab dress for men. It was after Jumu’ah, and I was on my way to get lunch like I did every Friday. I was harassed for a while at the check point into the city simply because I was a non-Arab and I was dressed in a manner that the police officer felt was reserved for Arabs. I enjoyed annoying him with my dismissive responses because of his ignorance and arrogance. Always a dangerous combination in someone with authority. 

  • A Brain Dump…

    The ebb and flow of life is often a distraction. I’m simple at heart, and therefore desire constancy. But the only constancy that is offered is the unpredictability of me. In the absence of knowing what awaits me at the next turn, I’ve tried to maintain my own disposition on an even keel. But I’m so easily distracted that I betray this composure within moments of achieving it.

    Overtly I deny the need for affirmation, but internally I find ways to seek it out whilst appearing to be independent and aloof. I shy away from open praise but take joy from seeing wilful engagement that is unsolicited from others. I choose to see that as a reflection of my significance in the eyes of others, even though most only engage for the novelty value rather than a deeply ingrained sense of appreciation or gratitude. 

    My intensely introspective approach to life has made me somewhat of a novelty to the point where I don’t expect any sincere interaction, relationship or even friendship to extend beyond a few months. It generally takes a few months for someone to solicit all the insight they desire about themselves from me before it becomes a tedious exercise. Then, they either drift away from boredom, or they actively resist the revealing interactions because they begin to realise how vulnerable they are in front of me. 

    I’m a novelty on a shelf in a china shop. The shelf way up on top that is out of reach because I’m deemed too fragile for most to know how to handle me, but I provide an interesting, if not simply curious reflection of the one that beholds me. So occasionally there will be a brave adventurous soul, often troubled and seeking answers about themselves, catching the reflections that I cast, that reach out to take a closer look. But while I’m enjoying them looking at me, they’re in fact looking at themselves within me. 

  • An alternate view of Table Mountain, Cape Town, South Africa.

    (c) Cynically Jaded

  • Sunset from a natural rock pool in Cape Town, South Africa.

    (c) Cynically Jaded

  • Still

    Still…Is how my heart no longer beats for you

    These demons, they thrive because of you

    Still…Ravaged by the betrayal of you

    Yearning for that which was never to be with you

    Still…Can’t believe what I saw was not you

    The silence of the night is noisy without you

    Still…A stranger in this world just like you

    I continue to ache at the thought of you

    Still…I think of you…wistfully

    Although you’ve earned not much more than scorn from me

  • Pathetic prose and paltry poetry

    ‘tis all that escapes the cage within me

    Noisy numbers, withered flowers 

    ‘tis all that remains of the hopes that plagued me

    Being is burdened, 

    ‘til death embraceth me

  • It takes courage to love again, not a perfect lover.

    Cynically Jaded

  • Question: Depression

    cynicallyjade:

    thefemaleedward:

    People who think depression is a choice, take a second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not having the emotional strength to face people? To think that time is just passing by with no real reason? To feel so alone even when you are sitting…

    Unfortunately you’ve missed the entire point of my post. Having been ‘diagnosed’ with depression before, I’m hardly what you could label as someone that is insensitive to people that are depressed. If I said that depression is all in your mind and that you’re simply missing the point of life, then by all means accuse me of insensitivity. But if you read carefully, you’ll note that I challenge the common perspective on what depression is rather than dismissing the fact that it exists. So to reiterate my point, depression is a symptom and not an illness. The root cause of depression lies in our choices based on our expectations of others and life in general. Change your choices and your expectations and the symptom of depression will dissipate without any direct effort required. Trying to deal with depression is like asking an exhausted person not to feel tired. That’s simply ridiculous. Instead, you would ask them to exercise more, eat healthier and most obviously get more rest. Exhaustion would therefore be the symptoms of poor lifestyle choices, wouldn’t it?

    White teethed teens: cynicallyjade: thefemaleedward: People who think depression is a…