Navigating relationships – 4 of 5

The importance of having a healthy support structure cannot be over emphasised.

Majority of relationships fail because support structures from one or both sides are focused on protecting their own from the assumed malicious intent of the other party, rather than trying to establish understanding between the couple, and supporting them towards building their relationship.

This need to protect before seeking to understand is the very same culture that leads individuals to believe that what they need from the relationship is more important than what they need to contribute to the relationship.

The old school wisdom that teaches us that we don’t only marry an individual, we marry their entire family, is true but very misunderstood.

Not only do we need to understand that the extended family will have expectations of us, but also that the family culture will influence the expectations that our partners have of us.

Believing that either our partner or we are capable of completely mitigating the impact of that extended family influence is naive.

At some point, sometimes very early in the marriage, the loyalties are tested through guilt-trips or blatant demands where we feel pulled between our support structures and our partners.

That’s when relationships go sour if the individuals involved are unprepared for that kind of emotional pressure.

That’s when choosing an independent and informed advisor becomes critical towards breaking the patterns that are leading to the breakdown of the relationship.

Choose carefully.

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