Navigating relationships – 2 of 5

When we’re insecure about who we are, we’re more likely to assume that the behaviour of those around us is because of what they think of us.

This places an unspoken burden on them that influences how they show up for us when we need them most.

If you want to understand your behaviour towards your partner, or their behaviour towards you, you need to be aware of the dynamics in your relationship with your own family. Especially your parents.

This is true for them as well.

When we have dysfunctional or even abusive relationships with our family or parents, what we lack in those relationships inevitably feeds our insecurity in our own relationships, and it influences what we expect from our partners to make up for what was always lacking.

Most often, this is a subconscious need or demand that we place on them, and that they place on us.

The more aware we are of this, the greater our chances of being able to remedy it without it contaminating an otherwise good relationship.

When we feel triggered by something that our partner does, it means that we’re still affected by a past experience that most likely occurred long before we met them.

Our trigger is ours to own, because it is our fear about what the future holds relative to what the current moment reminds us about our past.

Hence the fear and anxiety that prompts us to respond with intensity towards something seemingly innocent from others.

When you’re caught up in a bad cycle with someone, focus on what you’re contributing towards that cycle and change that, rather than focusing on what you need them to change to break that cycle.

It always starts with you.

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