The insincerity of self-loathing

As always, you cannot give what you don’t have.

You can’t give someone a smile if you don’t have one yourself.

Similarly, you cannot appreciate what you’re ungrateful for.

If you take yourself for granted, any appreciation that you express towards others is based on you wanting them to feel appreciated the way that you want to feel appreciated.

It’s about wanting them to have something that you believe you don’t have.

As magnanimous or noble as that seems, it’s a transaction.

It’s a judgement.

It’s insincere.

It’s manipulation.

Is there some good in it? Definitely. Because there is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.

But, it still means that the gratitude you express is hollow, and the one you hope to give reason to feel appreciated will eventually sense that emptiness of your sentiment.

It’s only when we truly and meaningfully connect with the value that we hold as humans, that we are able to recognise and connect with that value in others.

Until that point, all we’ll see is judgement and comparison about who has more than us, who deserves more, who we want must appreciate us, and so on.

Our expression of affection and gratitude becomes transactional because we want to be seen a certain way, or thought of in a certain way.

That’s not sincere appreciation. That’s transacting for significance.

The question is, how many of us know ourselves well enough to truly appreciate who we are, or do we only see ourselves as a means to an end for others?

How many of us are living martyrs?

It always starts with you.

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