I realised tonight that there have been times when I based my self-worth on the apparent impact I had in someone else’s life. More accurately, the impact I had when either I left, or they left. The more evidence there was of a disruption to their peace or their routine, the better I felt. No, the more significant I felt. But as it faded and they were able to function normally again, so did my self-worth. There was suddenly a self-imposed feeling of betrayal because I refused to believe that I was so insignificant that someone could actually live a normal life without me.
I always wanted to have a life-long impact on someone. But not just anyone. Someone that I wanted to impact in that way. But more often than not, they didn’t want to impact me in return.